not equal parts [s.m]

Walk Away

7:00pm. [The Same Day]

Here I sit on the lunch table during what is meant to be my shift but April won't let me work. Throughout my entire shift, April would let me stay downstairs while she does the jobs because she knows I don't want to run into him  until I have to. She saw that I wasn't taking much of a liking to the pancakes after my third bite & assured me it wouldn't offend her if I offered some to Yvette.

I had to do so in secret as some of the other residents can get quite...irritated to say the least. Old people can be mean man. On my break a few weeks ago I saw another regular, Barry; or 'Boulder Barry' as me and April call him now, get mad when Charlie, a rather short-sighted member took the soap from inside Barry's doggy bag rather than his own.

Revenge is sweet, and clearly more bitter with age, just like Whiskey. Boulder Barry took it upon himself, while Charlie was swimming, to use a cigarette butt (that he must've found outside) and coat the soap with its ashes. Our soap is black. But never leaves a stain. Until that unfortunate event.

Charlie left the shower rooms with black marks on almost all of his face, shows he does a good job of washing his face. Boulder Barry laughed so hard from inside the swimming pool area that he fell. Into the pool. And Boulder Barry did what Boulders do best. Sink.

Long story short we had to get him out of there & to medical care, where he told us everything. Charlie wasn't even mad. He just found it hilarious.

But look at me. Distracting my thoughts with silly things like that. I have to go face Theo and I know it's what's best, but I really don't want to. But now at 7:30 pm, my shift is at an end. April isn't back yet from upstairs and I want to get this over with. I decided to write a little note on her bag:
"Doing what I gotta do, wish me luck Rilly x"

I've called her Rilly since the day I met her, she made it CLEAR that she loved the nickname & I was happy to oblige. Hopefully, when she finds it I will be walking away from him feeling relieved & unstoppable. I pray that that is how this ends.

With my bag by my side and the letter stuffed into the pocket of my shorts, I made my way towards the car park. The breeze hit me like a ton of bricks and I instantly started to shiver. Why does it have to be Autumn right now?
I let my hair down from the ponytail I have to wear during work & my headache is quickly soothed. Both Theo and my bobbles can be blamed for that pain.

I make my way down the front porch steps and take a right to reach the exit of the car park. I fix my hair behind my ear and into various partings as the wind battles against my actions. The wind was strong but not strong enough to stop me from hearing some distant talking and laughter. I shot my head up to see Theo. But he wasn't alone.

Lucy, a brown haired girl with green eyes, from the spa practically had all the buttons on her shirt undone as she giggled aimlessly at Theo, only from him to be stood there with a smirk. God, that smirk. Another thing I want to forget. My shoes skid on the concrete roading as I almost trip over myself, truly seeing nothing to have tripped on. That caused them both to snap their heads towards me. Lucy let out a huff and had one last stroke of Theos bicep before she walked past me towards the hotel.

Her eyes were dark you could tell she was frustrated, in more ways than one. Theo stood waiting for me to arrive at him, rather than making any effort to walk to me. Still a douche bag.
"Hi?" I questioned as I didn't know where this conversation was going to lead.
"You look cold, do you want my jacket?" he asked with the same piercing eyes that broke my teenage heart.
"I'm p-perfectly fi-ine thank you" I said, mentally cursing every time the cold made me stutter.
"You're a really bad liar" he smirked as he walked slowly but aggressively, towards me.
"Okay, stop! I'll t-take your jacket!" I forced. As the gap of distance closed between us I couldn't contain my alarm.
"Here" he effortlessly pulled his green jacket off & tossed it to me. Leaving me to awkwardly put it on.
"So, I.."he attempted to continue but before he could go any further my teenage self screamed from inside me and I had to let her be heard.

"Why am I here? Why did you invite me the EXIT of our car park? Of all places. Yes you might-might've been my crush from Year 11 but that doesn't give you a free pass to stuff things into my locker!" I hold up the ball of a letter and drop it at our feet. His eyes scanning mine to find any remorse after crushing his "efforts". "You act like it was a game! I was 15 and you left me to feel like I liked someone that was forever changing personalities!" his face grew hot as he could see I wasn't going to stop anytime soon "If you knew I liked you why be such an asshole and leave me hanging?! I got rid of you for 3 years & then when I find work YOU show up! Are you stalking me or something?! Why don't you ever leave?! 15 year old me would be crying her eyes out right now but i'm not, and that's because i don't have any left for you. Sorry. Come back maybe in another 2 years when my tears ducts rejuvenate because they're bone dry sweetheart." I hadn't even gotten to the main points yet, come on Sophia, pick yourself up. I couldn't think of what to say. I looked anywhere but his eyes and that included the ground. "You have some cheek to just be stood there not fighting your own corner. You disgust me and I don't know why you think you can treat me the way you have and the way you did. I don't even lik-"

And here is where i cut myself off, as Theo was nowhere to be seen.
I was so caught up in my own emotions that I didn't notice he had left.
Why does he always find a way to leave me broken?
I didn't get to say what I wanted when I had his full attention.

My head spun around bringing my body with it as I searched for his tall figure.
No one.
And here I am, left in his jacket with so much more to say.
A hot tear streams from both of my eyes & I left the cold breeze blow them away. I tried my hardest to be honest with myself and him & he never even gave me the chance.

April must still be inside. I sprinted inside to discover her just finding the note & smiling to herself; until she saw me.

Writers Note:
what an asshole. friends are important in situations like that. having someone not give you a chance to say how you feel is the worst thing ever.
but also Boulder Barry & Charlie are lads in this so i hope they brought you some joy.

happy reading, becka x