A Tony Stark comedy (One Shot)

J.A.R.V.I.S, wakey wakey!

Sunday, June 12th 2016

Outside the tower Stark Industries, the sky was becoming darker each minutes that passed, the traffic was now almost calm.

A lot of employees had already left, consequently not a lot of workers were still there.

Anthony Stark, himself, didn't leave, due to 'work' - was it true ? The famous playboy Tony Stark still at his office, working ? What ? - and was apparently doing so, working, and nothing else.

A few minutes fly, perhaps hours, and Stark was trying hard not to give up on the little strength that was still in him which was his only source of working at the moment.

As he was cursing a few bad words to the paperwork laying beneath him, a sudden urge went through him. He jumps off this chair and closes his quite expensive laptop. He then turns around and walks to the gold and marble door of his huge office. After he closed the door he had opened a few seconds ago, he takes a look at his surroundings : every open spaces were deserted, no employees in sight. Not only he was always alone in his personal life, but he was also alone at work.

He sighs, and starts to walk, his head lowered and hands in his new Gucci trousers, reminiscing his moments with Pepper, his former lover.

Lost in his thoughts, Tony finds his way to the nearest restroom. He - not so softly - opens the door, and makes himself inside.

-"Shit, I forgot to send the mail to Bruce !" says he. He then pats his tight pants' pockets, hoping to feel his phone through it.

Nothing.

He breathes out.

-"Well, it was not that important anyways."

He takes a small peek at the gigantic mirror on the wall, above the silver sinks, reflecting the toilets' doors.

-"Nice face."

A few seconds later, he goes over one of the toilets door. Next thing we know, he is sitting on the outrageously expensive toilet.

After almost completing one of our life's duty, he goes to take some paper rolls. Turns out he chose the wrong WC.

-"Are you kidding me ?" he exasperatedly growls ,"J.A.R.V.I.S ?"

Pure silence.

-"Buddy, wakey wakey !"

A moment passes.

-"Yes, sorry, Sir. I am actually recharging my batteries.", it (he?) pauses, "If you hadn't noticed, it is passed midnight, Sir. Thus, you programmed me to be only available if a quite bad situation such as an emergency were to happen to you or Mrs Potts. I believe this isn't a situation of that type, is it, Sir ?" J.A.R.V.I.S asks his Master.

-"Now that you've mentioned Pepper, yeah it is."

He can't believe his A.I still got this functionality. He needs to update him real quick. But what if something were to happen to her ?

-"Anyway! The thing is there's no tissue left to wipe m-- wait, let's not go there, okay ? Go back to sleep, I'll handle it my way."

Ugh. Not a good night at all for Mister Stark. First, he works late instead of upgrading his suits, or partying. Then Pepper. Then no tissue. Stupid life.

-"Alright. Good night, Sir."

Alone again, Tony thinks for a second. He needs some kind of plan.

Suddenly, the first step of his plan has popped up :

-"IS ANYONE STILL THERE ?" he yells, in order to make sure he is completely alone.

Again, for a few seconds, pure silence, until he moves.