Hey guys, this story has a few bad words and a bit of blasphemy but please do not be offended I only want to make it funny <3 :).
So here I am finished college. It's me the fart girl. Yes, I am 22 years old and I am back baby! Anyway I embarrassed myself again and I bet you want to hear the story so here is the story of the day I had a massive dump....
It was my second month into college. I had just been to lunch at Taco Hut. I had had a burrito with extra fried beans and tons of stewed cabbage. Don't ask why I ordered that. The night before I had only had a few heads of broccoli so I thought it would only be a few farts. I wasn't worried because believe it or not I had mastered the art of silent farting. Yes, that is a thing. I was due for a test the next morning so I thought why not treat myself to Taco Hut. #1 What the hell was I thinking?!! #2 Boy was I ever stupid. #3 What the hell was I thinking?!! Oh well, you live and you learn. Apparently I don't.
So anyway, there I was leaving Taco Hut. Uh oh... my stomach was starting to gurgle.. um, no worries, I'll be fine. Yeah, sure Rebecca. I went back to room 34 and went straight to the toilet. Nothing came out. So I thought I'll just leave it. I went to classes and wrote down the important things in my notepad so that I could study and memorize them for the test the next day. When the classes finished I went back to my dorm and I took out my notepad, flipped to page 31, and started reading. When it was about 11 o'clock at night I started to get quite tired so I decided to put my notepad down and go to sleep. The next morning I woke up feeling really refreshed and ready for the test. I jumped out of bed, I put on my clothes, I had breakfast, then I went to do the exam. My stomach started gurgling quite a lot but I thought it was just because it was the morning and my body was waking up so I didn't pay much attention to it. Boy, was I ever wrong.
Finally our teacher gave us the exam paper. I started to feel quite bloated and I was worrying a little bit. I was halfway through the third question when I felt something weird going on in the lower part of my gut. I raised my hand to the teacher, but he didn't pay any attention.
I got up and said to him "Mr. Broadshire, can I please go to the restroom?"
He replied "Of course, Rebecca." So I got up and rushed out of the classroom. By now my stomach was gurgling like no one could believe. Why did I think eating Taco Hut was a good idea. To make things worse, in the heat of the moment I forgot where the bathroom was. I know that's a really stupid thing but yes it happened to me. So I had to rush back to the classroom to ask Mr. Broadshire where the bathroom was. The only thing I was hoping he wouldn't say was that I had to go up the stairs because then I was pretty sure all hell would have broken loose. " It is just just down the hall and the second to the left" he said. 'Thank God' I was thinking.
By then, I was absolutely rushing to get to the bathroom. The pain and agony I felt as I rushed to the bathroom squeezing my butt cheeks hard knowing that if I relaxed my butt cheeks just a little bit it would all come rushing out like a stampede of buffaloes, was absolutely horrible. The feeling of the poo was like it had tiny little hands that were trying to pry my butt cheeks open so it could come out. (Author's note, thanks to talktomeneddy for giving me that part) I was becoming desperate to get to the bathroom. I was just coming up to the first door on the left but I knew that was the second so I had to keep on running. I was running and running and running but of course the running made my bowels move so that made the poo want to come out even more. The feeling was so intense that I actually started to cry because I wanted to shit this poo out so bad.
YESSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!! The second door on the left!! I was absolutely busting to go. I burst through the door crying my eyes out hoping I wouldn't shit myself. As I opened the door I felt a wave of happiness surge through my body as I pulled my pants down and sat on the toilet.
As the satanic dump was rushing out of my body like I was giving birth through my ass, I screamed out, " Hallelujah praise the lord for this miraculous gift from god!!!"
I didn't give a single damn if somebody heard me because the sheer joy of letting go of something so wild and so horrific felt like I had died and gone to heaven.
At last, I had done it. It was all out. I felt so proud of my accomplishment that I cried again but this time it was tears of joy. Nature had called and boy did I pick up the phone.
So, after all that mess, I cleaned up and sprayed a little deodorant in the toilet so that the smell wouldn't kill people going in the bathroom to do their business. I went back to my classroom. Not surprisingly, everybody was looking at me.
Mr. Broadshire asked, "Are you alright, Rebecca?"
I responded with, "Yes, of course, I just went to the toilet."
"Well, alright then. Sit back down and continue with the exam."
After that the class and I finished the exam and we all got pretty good marks. Nobody ever questioned me but sometimes they would look at me funny. But that is all in the past. I am now ready to move on with my life and hopefully none of the unfortunate events will happen again.
THE END.
