TINY LITTLE BOY

SEVENTEEN

Living with Yoongi was the youngers private little heaven of soft marshmallow pillows, blankets of pink clouds and soft happiness. It was a safe space like he had never experienced before, and he was beyond surprised that Yoongi insisted to help him so when he was in littlespace. They had barely talked about it, but Yoongi was already kind of acting like a caregiver, and a good one, that is. He was indescribably kind and sweet, and always made sure that Jungkook was happy and well, used time calming and comforting little Jungkook when he was sad and took care of the apartment whenever that was needed. And miraculously, at the same time, he managed to set a couple of rules that was not to be broken, while also managing to enforce that with such caution and respect for his boundaries that the man could only admire his elder. He did carry out the rules, and was not scared to tell the brunette if he had done something he shouldn't, but he always did it with an immense amount of caring and softness.

In big space, it was somewhat the same situation. He now didn't have to cook for himself half or more of the time, had help in the elder when it came to school, someone always willing to talk to him as well as providing him with all his materialistic needs.

And that was why living with Yoongi was the youngers private little hell.

Yoongi was way too kind to him, always did the majority of the cleaning and cooking, now while taking care of the younger when he slipped into littlespace, which only added to the work he had to do at home and Jungkook hated that. He had tried to convince Yoongi that he could restrain himself from going into littlespace so much, at this point it was every other day when he had time, but the elder would have none of it. Little Jungkook sure enjoyed the attention, and made sure the elder knew, but he couldn't help but feel so damn guilty whenever he woke up, acknowledging that he again had used all Yoongi's free time by selfishly going into littlespace yet again.

He also hated how much it felt like they were a damn couple. Because they weren't and they wouldn't become that no matter how much the brunette wanted it. His dream wouldn't become reality and he knew that. Yet, when he came home Yoongi often had already made food and insisted that they should eat together, he would ask about his day, and listening meticulously. He would make them coffee and sit in the big leather couch with the younger all afternoon, watching whatever, or just talking, arm resting behind the younger on the couch, unknowingly making everything harder. 

And that was the problem. Yoongi saw everything as extremely platonic and well, the younger didn't. So when their hands gently brushed together when they reached for the same thing in the white cupboards, he would have to fight himself, trying not to blush. When Yoongi gave his arms or thighs small squeezes, he'd freeze on the spot trying to calm his racing heart. When Yoongi happily half nakedly wandered through their apartment after taking a bath, he'd have to flee into the little room that before had been Yoongi's little office like area, but now was arranged with a small bed, a table and a closet, with burning red cheeks and embarrasingly aroused.

That's why he found himself unable to walk back to the apartment as he sat on one of the brown benches that was for the workers, in the little back room of the cafe for the employees with the mint green lockers littering the walls. His shift was over, had been for half an hour now, but he just could't go back to Yoongi's soft smile that would be welcoming him home. His kindness was too overwhelming. So he sat there, staring into the white ceiling, trying to get his merciless emotions, that was trying to tear their way out through his flesh and bones, to calm down. He could feel them as they were carried through his veins, poisioning his whole body with this misery and tearing down the last walls to his lachrymal canals. And he knew that it wouldn't take them long to bare the tear ducts and the salty water would flow.

Just as the first tears were about to break free, he heard the door open, and his head snapped up, just to see Jihyo standing there.

"Finally the jackass came, he was one and a half hour late, I was supposed to go home a whole our before you!" she shrieked with fury seeping from her voice. "Urgh I just wanted to- grip that annoyingly large and muscular neck of his and just press till he couldn't breathe". She continued to mumble lowly and angrily to herself for about half a minute as she got rid of the apron and got her belongings out of one of the lockers before she turned slowly to the young man who sat behind her.

"Wait, why are you still here Jungkook?"

And then she saw how redrimmed the boys eyes was, and how the bottom lip of his quivered ever so slightly.

"Are you okay?"

And at that, the last tiny stone of the barricade was shoved loose, and it broke down in rubbles. Quickly the tears started to roll down his cheeks, and he hid his face in his hands, too embarrased to even look at the elder woman.

"Hey hey, Jungkook, breathe alright?" she quickly added as she hurried to go sit beside him on the bench, which was evident by the loud snaps that was made by her high heels against the white tile floor. Only then he realised how he had held his breath, trying to keep together, and how he was gasping quietly trying to pull as much oxygen into his lungs as they could hold without bursting. He felt how one of her hands started to soothingly rub his back, like Yoongi always did when he cried in littlespace. It wasn't much he remembered after he had been little, but this was one of the things that a was awfully clear memory to him, even though everything he remembered from being little usually was very fuzzy. This just caused the tears to flow even harder, silent sobs leaving him until he after a few minutes managed to calm a bit down.

"Sorry noona" he whispered ashamed, rubbing his eyes and locking gazes with her for a short second, only to stare at his black leather shoes. But before he could even manage to carry out his sentence, she had interrupted him.

"Don't apologise, tell me whats wrong instead hm? That might help. Usually when I feel bad I need to talk to my boyfriend about it for a couple of hours and then I already feel better. So spit it out" all she said, accompanied by a soft smile and a squeeze to his shoulder.

It was quiet for a bit, while he considered if he should open up to her. But usually he talked to Yoongi, and he couldn't talk to his hyung about just this, so he softly murmured; "Do you remember that guy you thought was my boyfriend?"

A short series of nods that had her black shiny hair, styled in a high ponytail, jump up and down was left as his answer, and he continued.

"Well, we do live together now"

Jihyo gasped beside him excited. "So you are boyfriends now! That's great to hear! Wait, why are you sad then?" she asked with furrowed brows, staring at the younger who avoided her sharp gaze.

The brunette fought the urge to roll his eyes and the urge to start crying again, both at the very same time.

"No and that's the issue! I've been.. interested in him for a very long time and now we are living together, and he is just so sweet to me, and kind, and-"

"Then what's the issue?" she asked, stopping his sudden flood of words, her hazel eyes gaze piercing right into his own slightly darker chocolate orbs.

"He doesn't know"

Jihyo had used another half hour talking to him, trying to give him advice on what she called 'this Min Yoongi dude needs to acknowledge the obvious, because it is obvious that you are crushing on him' situation. So when the brunette finally made it home, his eyes were dry and his heart felt a bit lighter. She had been right. It had helped talking about it.