TINY LITTLE BOY

SEVEN

His current headache was pumping. Not like one of those headaches where you just go, ouch, thats uncomfortable. It was full on pumping and pounding. Yoongi was honestly not okay, and hadn't been the last three days. He had experienced trouble sleeping because of the constant thoughts buzzing around inside his head like angry bees. And that was exactly what was happening. He was laying in his kingsized bed, staring up into his white ceiling, feeling his eyelids get droopy and heavy. But when he finally thought he could drift away, he would jerk up in his bed by a new motive, a new way of looking at the problem, that just seemed to grow like a sponge absorbing all his thoughts and doubling in size every now and then. And that problem was indeed Jeon Jungkook.

He had never been more confused in his life than when he left Jungkooks apartment three nights ago. He had been aware that he was not really.. straight. He had known that ever since he gained romantic and sexual interest. While his friends would stare after a girl, his eyes could've found a boy, and his gaze would be glued to him instead. But gay, he was not. He had been in relationships with a couple of girls, whom he had liked a lot. He had never truly loved them though, which always led to the couple breaking apart rather quickly. 

The kiss somehow had butterflies leaving their resting place within him, to flutter around inside his stomach. The feeling of not knowing what to feel, was capturing him, holding him down, strangeling him. Jungkook was his best friend for gods sake. What did he mean with the kiss? Was it just for fun or had he been high? Like actual weed high? Because the younger had acted weird all day, from the point where Yoongi had entered his apartment, till the moment he left. 

Lately, he was growing aware that he had been more attracted to boys than girls though. So he was having a hard time trying to determine if it was actually just because; it was a kiss, because it was a boy that had kissed him, or because it was Jungkook that had kissed him, that he was feeling so flustered.

All these feelings had him doing the exact opposite of what he actually wanted to do, which was confronting the younger. Instead he had avoided him by all costs, acting like he did not see the many phonecalls nor messages that had popped up constantly over the last few days. Some of them making his heart ache and some of them making him even angrier at himself for not contacting the younger. He was sure that Jungkook was putting himself through a lot, he just couldn't manage to message back. 

Yoongi believed this to be his own little curse. The fear of losing people, led him to shutting them out instead. Confrontation could mean losing, he was way too aware of that. It had been the case with several friends and relationships in the past. The simple conversation surrounding sexuality had already led him to loose so many people, he simply didn't dare to have it anymore. Several topics was like this for the ravenette. Education had, and still slightly were one. His parents had been furious when he had once told them that he didn't want to study anymore. They had only barely accepted his choice after he had gotten a good job as a waiter at a well known restaurant and he clearly made enough money to have a happy and healthy life, and a bit more. But the relationship they once had, never was the same again. One of the only people he truly trusted, was his older sister. She had always encouraged him to do whatever that would make him happy. 

She was that kind of person that always had been perfect. Ever since she was small, she were the perfect child. Good grades, beautiful, kind, open and most importantly, she fitted the stereotype of the perfect wife spot on as well. Not long after she was done in college, she found a sweet well-educated boyfriend, who was now her husband, and they had three kids together. The perfect little family, one that his parents could brag to their friends about. And Yoongi. Well. He was 21 years old, working as a waiter and living alone in a big city. Though they had never mentioned having an issue with his sexuality, he knew that it didn't make their view upon him better either. He had not been seing anyone for years, and he had a somewhat scary appearence, with his all black outfits, tatoos, earings and piercing gaze.

Explaining himself had never been to any use, as people didn't want to listen. They would hear with the intention to come with a counterattack, not to actually take what he was telling them in.

In this particular situation, that was not the only thing that he was scared of though. No, he was also scared of the answer the younger would give him to why in the world the brunette would kiss him. And scared of what he would feel, depending on the answer. He tried to convince himself that he would not be dissapointed at all if the youngers answer was something like "for the fun of it" or "to see your response". That he would be relieved. But he didn't know if that would be the case. After the kiss, his mind had wandered off to the other possibilities that existed within his relationship with the younger and what this would mean for them. Yoongi was absolutely not in love, no, nor was he crushing at the younger. But he was suddenly experiencing a fearful curiosity.

You could simply not say the younger wasn't attractive. That would be outright lying, even though the young man would never admit it himself. He had a prettily built body, a slender waist, broad shoulders and muscular thighs, and well-rounded butt. His face both complimenting his body, and being a complete opposite as his slightly tanned soft skin, big eyes as well as his little nose and teeth, slightly bigger than average, gave him an innocent and adorable look.

But Yoongi was aware how both men and women would turn and twist their bodies to throw an extra glance at the younger. He had also pointed it out to the boy when a particular pretty boy or girl would show interest in him. But that just led to a stuttering, messily blushing Jungkook, staring holes into the ground and sheepishly fidgetting with his fingers. He had often wondered why the brunette acted like that. He had never even heard about a date. And that confused Yoongi even more. 

Irritated, Yoongi stretched his arm to reach his nightstand and grab his phone. Watching how his pale skind with the ink strokes and patterns that seemlessly effortlessly snaked themselves around his wrist and up his arm to his shoulder contrasted to the white bedsheets he sighed. A little pang of guilt hit his heart when he saw the amount of messages Jungkook had send him. Avoiding his phone had been his easiest tool to avoid talking to the younger. At first he could've explained it with his phone dying. But no normal person would let their phone be uncharged for three days, so that honestly wasn't a possibility anymore.

Drawing in a shaky breath in the familiar darkness of his room, he unlocked the phone, and quickly typed a short reply to the younger. Where the courage came from, he didn't now, but while exhaling he hit the send button. Reading his message again, before he layed it down at the nightstand, he hoped that Jungkook would answer soon. And then he fell into a deep sleep.