Life Inside White Walls

Life Inside White Walls [8] Burning Amber's

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Of all things I wish to flee and feel the sinking teeth of fear's delight  

It's the licking tongues of burning heat that rise from the earth in the middle of the night.

With cries from the thick blanket of clouds that threaten to suffocate the living  

I find my eyes screwed shut for fear of seeing the dancing demons in my sight.

Unlike the mighty phoenix that rises from the ashes after death  

I find that I, a mortal in this life cannot do the same after battling my Amber fears.  

-Kalee E  

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The memory serves those who wish to remember, but will it serve those who wish to forget? If I open my eyes and pray to forget, will it truly happen? Will I be free from this burden?

I have fears just like anyone else. Whether sane or insane, I know what it's like to feel the sudden burst against the ribs of one's cage that encloses our hearts.

I have Pyrophobia, which means I have a fear of fire.

Out of all the fears I could possibly obtain like Atychiphobia- fear of failure or Oneirophobia- fear of dreams, I had to be afraid of fire.

It was funny, since once upon a time I used to think of fire as a beautiful thing. Though I knew it was deadly, it held such vivid shades that it always entranced me as a child. At first, the doctors had no idea of my fear for this beautiful killer until one of the nurses had light a small candle in my room. The next thing she knew, I was screaming on the top of my lungs, trying to claw out of my bed to flee as I started rambling about the flames and how I couldn't help stop it.

I remember it vividly. Like a lost symphony of the mind that constantly plays a corroded tune until I can't take no more. In this fake memory, I recall my mother's vase which sat on our cream colored counter top with a banquet of fresh lilies every Monday morning. Their smell, a scent that I'll never forget, just as alluring as their delicate appearance. It was all just a front to keep me from knowing the burdens of love and its twisted façade.  

It's just revolting how deceiving things can be.

Yet, also in this same memory, I can remember the lilies, which once sat pretty in their clear crystal glass, suddenly burst up in flames as black clouds arose from their disintegrating petals.

In this dream fire took them away...

A light with so much color, a shade that evokes both admiration for its beauty and fear for it brightly light flames that dance with a deadly grace that could easily turn you into ash. It was the reason why I cringed whenever the sound of the blaring sirens pierce the air or feel the chill of tear swell along the tear ducts of my eyes.

In this dream fire made it all disappear...

But that wasn't possible...because that day was the day I was sent away. Mother's beautiful eyes, unchanging as that cloudless day that I'll never forget. From my sight, I recall her emotionless glare staring onward, drifting away from me as I stood just a few steps from her, unmoving. While father stood with his broad shoulders high and his proud eyes lowered to the ground.

In this...memory... fire is what ended it all...

Then the picture changed and instead of my mother and father watching me leave it was me being pushed away from them, watching as I was the one drifting away. Hands, tight like steel grasped my body as I fought to reach them, yet they were already were gone...gone just like the flames that took my home like an unforgivable embrace.