Why Did I Not Chose Him First

Why Why

I sit in my room looking in the mirror at my self. 

"Why am i not good enough why am not pretty why why!!" Horrible thoughts began to fill my head. I know I shouldn't be thinking like this but i can't stop the thoughts from coming.

Tears start coming down my cheeks I feel like I can't move I feel like I am locked up in a dark room the only light coming in is coming from the other side of the door. I am inches away from the door but every time I try to move closer I get pulled back by chains around my hands I am trapped in this dark room know way out.

I must have fallen asleep because when I wake up my makeup is all over my face my pillow is damp and when I look at my phone I have 15 miss calls from Giovanny and 1 text from my mom

Mom: missed you at dinner if you get hungry I left a plate for you in the microwave.. Good night I love you 

But I am not hungry I don't have energy to move I just want to stay in bed. I turn off my phone and close my eyes three hours until I have to wake up for school.

***
I jump up from my sleep already knowing I am late for school I turn on my phone 10:30 the time says. When I stand up from my bed I get a tightening in my stomach like some one grabbed all my insides and twisted them. All of a sudden I feel a lump forming in my throat and I sprint to the bathroom and let every thing come out. I walk from the bath room back to my room and plop on my bed I grab my phone and text my mom

Me: mom i don't feel very well imma just stay home if that's alright with you 

(15 minutes later)

Mom: of course you can stay home if you don't feel well to go to school text me if you need any thing love you feel better 

I put my phone down and turn over to my side and stare at the wall for a long time and of course Giovanny pops in my head. I start telling my self "he is not worth it he is not worth it he does not deserve to have the attention you are giving him stop thinking about him". It was a never ending cycle in my thoughts.

I fall back to sleep but when I wake back up it is three in the afternoon and I hear a knocking coming from downstairs. I throw the covers off me and sit up on my bed. The knocking starts to get faster and louder so I jump up and start heading downstairs when I open the door it's the last person I wanted to see  Giovanny...

Guys i am soo sorry i have not updated I have been busy lately but I will try to update more often no promises though Happy New Year to everyone😊😊