Adore You - Junbob

two

Their first steps to soulmatehood were not as much baby steps as it was a gargantuan, reluctant, paint-covered tumble. Just one. Junhoe hadn't meant to catch Jiwon spreading graffiti on one of Junhoe's favourite walls that were still plain in this hooligan-ridden town, and he definitely hadn't meant it all to end the way it did but maybe he shouldn't be complaining.

Jiwon was wide-eyed and frozen as Junhoe peered at the graffiti, scrutinising it with his trained eye. He didn't really have any trouble with catching Jiwon in the act, he couldn't care less, but if vandalism was done badly then Junhoe would be outing the person to the police in an instant. It was what they deserved for adding monstrosity to an already deplorable world.

"I don't have any objections. You're good," Junhoe said with a curt nod and Jiwon slumped in relief, even though he looked confused, and then Junhoe was taking a step forwards but no closer. His and Jiwon's non-existent relationship thrived off of respectable distances. "But I still want to ask why."

"Because it's fun. Lets me hang onto a sense of crazy youth while everyone I know are growing up and acting all mature," Jiwon mumbled, pulling down his hood and Junhoe wanted to smile when he saw the familiar purple hair ruffling in the wind, an unruly masterpiece. So Junhoe took a step into no-man's-land without realising, gesturing that he wanted a spray-can and a slow grin spread onto Jiwon's face as he handed Junhoe a red one. The younger shook it, scanning the wall slowly as he wondered what he could add. Jiwon's art was simplistic as if it wasn't meant to be classified as art in itself but an artistic scream of freedom, of waning adolescence. And as Jiwon neared him, just to stand next to him, Junhoe looked at him and saw something that made him make the split-second decision to reach out a hand to curl around Jiwon's gloved one, his grip tight and firm, and he definitely heard Jiwon's breath hitch. Junhoe didn't know what he was doing, he didn't know why he was doing what he was doing but it felt right even just for a split-second under softly moonlit darkness and spluttering streetlights.

"I've been meaning to tell you," Junhoe began, his voice soft but blank-toned, "that you should get a life."

Jiwon gaped at him, completely taken aback and recoiling a little in hurt and Junhoe wasn't surprised. Maybe he was a little too blunt.

"I meant that you should get a life that you like. Sorry. It's just, seeing you out here like this, it shows you're not content."

There was a beat of silence before Jiwon's grip grew tighter and Junhoe could feel his will for more from life seep into the gesture. "Are you actually worrying about me?"

"Yeah...I don't know if you know but I am actually capable of doing that."

"You're the ice prince of school, blame me for not knowing."

"Warm things can make an ice prince melt."

"But it's cold out tonight."

"I'm not talking about the weather."

Jiwon didn't answer, only nodding and sucking in a breath, maybe because he had been holding his breath while they spoke. Junhoe had that effect on people, even when he didn't want to.

Not long passed before Junhoe started adding to the wall, switching expertly (by expertly, he means with a hidden large amount of struggle) between spray cans with one hand as he held onto Jiwon's with the other, their arms swinging slightly as he moved. And he didn't notice Jiwon's adoring, lingering gaze on him because he subconsciously didn't want to notice it. That kind of look shouldn't be reserved for him.

"Junhoe."

"Jiwon."

"Why are you holding my hand?"

"Because you asked me to."

"No I didn't-"

"With your eyes. I could see it. And maybe I just want to, and if you don't then let go."

"No," Jiwon said quickly, sounding like he was almost panicking as he changed the messy hand-hold into a proper, meaningful clamp and Junhoe's eyes widened because all of a sudden this meant more than he had wanted it to mean. "It's an honour."

"Why are you acting like you're a servant having an affair with a king?" Junhoe snorted, turning to raise his eyebrow at Jiwon as he threw the elder the spray can and Jiwon fumbled to catch it. And Junhoe wanted to talk more (a welcomed change to how he was usually like) but now he was actually looking at Jiwon, his words died in his throat. The guy didn't even look any more special than ever, he was just...Jiwon. Someone that Junhoe didn't know anything about nor did they converse much, limited to awkward hellos on the train, elated smiles on Jiwon's part and waves from Junhoe in the stands when their eyes met during basketball tournaments, and soft short talks at night in the supermarket. They weren't friends. They weren't anything. But Junhoe liked him and that was more than enough.

"So, um, lunch," Jiwon muttered, his eyes shifting as he turned away a little, rubbing the back of his neck. "Lunch is a fine thing."

Junhoe didn't know where he was going with this. "Sure is."

Jiwon's face crumpled a little and Junhoe's heart did the same. "Ugh, I thought that would just explain it in itself..."

"Explain what?"

"That I...you know...lunch. You. Me. Lunch. Cuisine. Date. Oh shit, I said it, I'm great."

This time, Junhoe's heart might have actually stopped.

"Are you serious?" Junhoe asked loudly but even then his voice sounded incredibly distant and unfamiliar, like his ears weren't working properly. Jiwon looked like he was about to start panicking again but this time Junhoe didn't care. "You're friends with my ex. Hasn't he told you stories of how trash I am?"

"Was friends. And he did but it backfired, it just...you know."

"I don't."

"Made me like you more. You're endearing trash."

"Oi," Junhoe seethed, glaring at Jiwon who blinked and looked absolutely terrified. Jesus, Junhoe actually found him quite adorable. "Only I'm allowed to call me trash. And you've got all the choices in the world, man, don't chase someone who's got their heart closed off from the world."

Junhoe subtly swallowed when Jiwon's eyes grew sad, his lips parting with no words for a moment like they were letting out a silent begging sigh of 'please', and then he was lowering his gaze and murmuring, "Then, is that a no?"

"That's what you got from that? I'm trying to tell you to go for someone else."

"I don't want someone else."

"I haven't done anything special."

"Not in itself," Jiwon muttered, letting go of Junhoe's hand as he took a step closer and Junhoe wondered if he should back up but he stayed where he was, body cold but insides warm as his hand still tingled from where he ended up shoving it in his pocket. "You were just yourself. Sure, that wouldn't mean anything to you or maybe even anyone else, but it does to me."

And Junhoe actually caved. He had to when his heart was going wild from what were probably the sweetest words he had ever heard, and all he did was take the spray can back and pull out a marker from his pocket, tearing the lid off with his teeth before writing right onto the shiny metal of the can his phone number and the words 'text me, but only a place and date. if i see any sweet nothings/pick-up lines on my phone then i'll smack you into oblivion'.

Then Junhoe was walking back and throwing the can at Jiwon, ignoring the small 'ouch' as he turned around and let out a huge breath, closing his eyes for a moment as he slung an arm over his stomach which was starting to feel an odd way - it wasn't nauseous but fluttering, full of motion and Junhoe just wanted it to stop. He didn't stop walking at any point, wanting to get as far away from the source of his torture as possible, and he was so focused that he didn't even notice the smitten smile settling on his lips.

This wasn't fair. He didn't want to fall in love. Not again.