Hate, pain, wanting to hurt him, everything about her wanted to make him feel half as bad as she was feeling, any way of unleashing her feelings onto him would have been good enough to feel relief, but she couldn't, would have been worth it? He was standing there with his stupid poker face like he just didn't see her crying her eyes out as her whole being came breaking right over her, the air missing from her lungs, the warmth in her ears, the shaking in her teeth, the mascara tears on her t-shirt, it's all because of him, but he didn't seem to care.
- You should leave —the words left her mouth but she couldn't hear them over the pounding of her heart—
- This is also my house, I'm not leaving until we fix this —His face didn't have any expression—
- There's no fixing this Moonbin, there's not even a this anymore —she wiped her last tear before standing up— I'm leaving
She only took her purse and her car keys with her leaving Moonbin alone with the memories in the house that once was a home. He heard the door close but he couldn't move, was it embarrassment? guilt? not even himself was able to pinpoint the emotion causing his immobility, he wanted to run to her arms, hug her and never let her go, but it was too late for them, he felt sick, his heart was broken but it was his own fault so he felt like he had no right to be sad, it was him to decided to cheat, it was him who was sleeping in someone else's bed while she cried herself to sleep feeling the empty bed knowing that something wasn't right.
- What did I do? —his hands went to his head and pulled on his fine hair—
He was lightheaded, he went to the bathroom to look for some pills when he spotted her perfume, that light scent of vanilla and sandalwood that once united you two.
- Can I help you? —Moonbin looked at the direction of the voice just to find a warm smile, beautiful brown eyes, and her curled hair—
- I'm looking for a perfume —her scent filled his nose making him feel drunk in the delicious smell— excuse me —he moved closer to her taking the scent in, his nose right at her neck, he let out a big sigh, the air hitting her neck making her jump before he moved backwards— I want something like what you are using but a little different, it suits you perfectly but it's too sweet for my sister —He smiled— Can you help me?
After finding the perfect perfume, the two of them were smiling while she cashed him out
- Excuse me, can you help with something else? —Moonbin's smile bigger than ever before—
- Sure sir, what else do you need?
- Can I get your name and your number?
Till a few hours ago she kept that memory as one of the dearests but now she can only wish she had said no, the street lights getting blurry because of the tears filling her eyes, her sobbing drowning the loud sounds from the traffic and the sadness overtaking her body as questions pop in her head.
Why did he do it?
Does he love that other girl?
Is there any love left for her or is it their relationship just too damaged?
Moonbin saw his hoodie, the one she used to sleep with, it always looked huge on her but she said it was the second comfiest thing in the world, the first one was his embrace.
He grabbed it and put it on over his head, he could almost feel her there with him but it was just an illusion that only took seconds to be broken, little Noah was barking in the living room, Moonbin ran towards him, the sight of the small dog scratching the door made his heart shake
- Noah, come here —he took the small dog in his arms— do you miss mommy?, I'm sorry but you have nothing to worry about, mommy will be back, she just needs time —He walked to the room with Noah and laid on the bed— she's my true love, my only love, she'll be back
The night passed by but Moonbin spent it crying, worried about her never coming, he knew he loves her, the affair was just a stupid thing he had done but he never felt anything for that woman, it was just the excitement of experiencing a new thing, it was a stupid thing to do but now he was paying the price. As the sun rays appeared through his window he got ready for work, her clothes making it impossible for him not to break into tears, he pulled himself together and went to work, the whole day his mood was awful, one moment he was angry at the air and on the next he was crying in the bathroom stall, his phone broke his sobbing, it was Sanha, her little brother.
- Moonbin, listen to me, sit down
- Sanha, please let me talk to her, I need to, I need herMoonbin, sit down, I don't have enough time to talk to you.
- Camryn, she was in a car accident last night —Moonbin felt light headed— she's ok, but there's one thing
- Where is she?
- She's at a hospital, I can't tell you where, sorry, but please sit down
- Just tell me Sanha —he was asking for the hospital name but what he got was a thing that changed him for life—
- She was pregnant, she was unaware of it and doesn't want to tell you but I think you have the right to know it, she was 3 weeks pregnant
- Was? —Moonbin was begging to every god he knew that was just a mistake but sometimes even god is a little late—
- The baby didn't make it, she had a spontaneous miscarriage after the scare of the car accident, by the way, I'm taking her things out of your house today
- It's our house, she can't leave
- She doesn't think that anymore, maybe you can make it your house with that other girl, leave her alone, I only called you because I was being polite.
Sanha hung up on him and Moonbin felt like his heart was being swallowed by a black hole in his chest, a 3 week pregnancy was hardly a living thing but it was theirs and it hurt him, he not only ruined her life and his own, he also ruined one that hadn't even started yet, Moonbin's thoughts came spiraling down.
"Why didn't I stop her? Why did I cheat on someone I love? Why am I not with her right now? Why am I not fighting for her?"
He left work after explaining the situation and drove to the apartment
- Noah, let's go look for mommy —he calls for him as he opens the door but the little dog didn't come— Noah, come here.
He found a not on the master room's door
"Hey, I took all of my sister's stuff and she wanted Noah since she's a little down, she's going through bad stuff so please let her alone"
If anybody could understand her it was him, he loves her more than anybody and even if he had hurt her, he was sorry and ready to look for her but would it had been the right thing to do? he knew he deserved everything that was going on but, why her? why wasn't him the one in the hospital? why wasn't him the only one crying? why did she have to feel in love with him?. She was the love of his life and as such Moonbin only wanted one thing for her, he wanted her to be happy, even if it meant never seeing her smile again as a punishment for the disgusting thing he did. He took out his phone and scroll through the pictures, he laid down on the bed with only one wish: he wanted time to go back, so he wouldn't be able to cheat on her, he never realized how much she meant to him till it was too late, now he is just leaving in the bed he made for himself and it was something he will never be able to move on from...
It's been two years and every Sunday Moonbin keeps doing the same routine, he showers, wears the hoodie she used to sleep with and walks to the park to see the kids play, his life without her wasn't the same, it wasn't life, he feels like his heart was shot down the moment she left and he has been a robot ever since, watching the kids was the only thing that helps him as he will always wonder what their kid would have looked like if it wasn't for the cheating. A girl or a boy? his eyes or hers? her beautiful smile or...
His mind stop wondering and begin questioning his sanity once he saw small Noah walking on the park, she holds the leash while smiling and looking at the dog, her hair flowing with the wind causing Moonbin to feel his heart beating for the first time in those two years, he stood up and started to walk towards her but he wasn't ready for what happened next
A tall guy with dark hair and plump lips came running behind her, he hugged her from her waist and landed a kiss in her cheek, Moonbin always thought she was easy, easy to date, easy to hold, easy to live with, easy to love and sadly easy to cheat on but he never realized he was also easy, easy to replace, because even though they were each other's true love he never showed him how much he loved her, so anyone was able to show her the same amount of love he did although no one will be able to love her as much as he did.
