Hopes of tomorrow

Chapter 1

**WARNING THIS BOOK CONTAINS VIOLENCE, SWEARING, GRAFIC AND UPSETTING CONTENT. IF YOU DONT LIKE SAD, SCARY, OR ABUSIVE BOOKS, IM SORRY HONEY BUT THIS BOOK IS NOT FOR YOU. HOWEVER IF YOU DO ENJOY A GOOD SLIGHTLY DEPRESSING READ... CARRY ON**

Words can be our most powerful weapon to hurt, and to manipulate , but when chosen wisely we can also move people to tears with our passion.

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I broke down on the floor the pain too much to carry my limbs, my heart hurt, so much i felt it could burst out of my chest. But the world doesn't stop for just one person it continues on it's way.

Why now? Why today? Why when things almost seem to get better does life choose to tear you down the most. The agony at impossible lengths, and why the fück is it happening to me?

The answer is simple, because after the experiences I've had ,I can Handle the suffering and pain of loss, because without pain, without heart ache there would be no tomorrow there would be no happiness or anything to get better for. Because after pain comes growth and healing and new beginnings. Ones that now, I will not yet understand or have the knowledge to over come but,

Tomorrow

Tomorrow is when I begin to rebuild what was knocked down.

 I will simply just wait for my tomorrow.

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Screaming.

That's all I could hear, it's all I could ever hear in this hell hole, and I fear it may be the last thing I ever hear, when I take my final breath. The cold lonely scream of an abused, nut job woman who's only skill was doing crack cocaine, meth, heroin, and any other lethal drug she could get her hands on. the kind of woman people cross the streets to avoid, and the kind that surely could never be a fit parent. Sadly this lonely woman IS my mother, and she's the only thing I've got.

Before I was born she was just a happy go lucky 16 year old in high school, with good grades and a bright future ahead of her in business and accounting, 

but then she met my dirt bag of a father. 

my mother said it was love at first sight, he asked her out to a little pizza place down the street from their high school called Little Pete's and that was a little thing i like to call 'the beginning of the end'. In the first few months of their relationship her grades began to slip, she began smoking pot and skipping classes. dad influenced her, brought her into his world of drugs and bad decisions, and she went willingly blinded and in love. She was naïve.

4 months later they received the news that my mom was pregnant, and she was thrilled, my father on the other hand, he dropped us like a hot potato. He turned to alcohol to i don't know fix his problems i guess and a month later he returned to us a raging alcoholic. literally raging. 

He would be gone for days and nights at a time, only to return drunk and pissed off. He began beating my mom, it all began as just a small drunken shove and progressed over time to a much harder punch to the face, throwing her down stairs, and kicking her sides after she went down like a bag of bricks. She was too blind by this sick idea of love to know that what he was doing was wrong.

I'm surprised I survived the 7 months I was in her belly before I was born premature. The night I came home from the hospital with her he was out at the pub getting shit faced. She cared for me and loved me like any mother would, but all father could see, was her slowly starting to slip away from him and he didn't like that. He knew she was going to leave him eventually, for my safety. He blamed me for everything that went wrong, and everything that would surely go wrong in the future.