Unspoken Words

sweet, deceitful addiction

I found you by accident.

You were never supposed to be known to me.

But I guess our meeting was inevitable, sooner or later we would have met.

I just wish I was a bit older when the fated meeting happened.

Maybe then I could've been strong enough to resist you.

But things didn't work out that way.

I was too stupid, too young, and too innocent when I first became acquainted with you.

I guess awestruck is an appropriate word to describe how I felt the first time I saw you.

But in response to every positive gesture I showed you, you poisoned me.

Every meeting became more and more toxic.
But I didn't know that.

I was too smitten to realize I was wasting away.
You eagerly came at me harder, but looking back, I think it was actually me who sought you out more intently.

Either way, I needed you.

After many months, your harmful effects finally became apparent to me.

But only after someone pointed it out to me.
If not, I think I would've been under your spell forever.

I realized I needed to get away from you. Needed to erase you from my life at once.

But it's so hard.

You embedded a part of yourself into my brain.

I think of you all the time.

I crave you all the time.

I need you all the time.

I can't function when I'm away from you for too long.

Even though I know you're ruining me, I still find myself gravitating towards you everyday.

But one day, I decided enough was enough.

I erased any and all trace of you from my life.

I instantly felt better.

At first, staying away was so difficult, but I was determined.

As time went on, I even almost forgot you existed.

Almost.

Of course you still lingered around to haunt me.

One day, someone brought you up in a conversation.

I desperately tried not to think of you.

I was stronger than that.

But then, I saw you walking past me.

I really tried to erase you from my life so bad. I really tried.

But in the end, I gave in.

I don't know why.

Maybe it's because I feel so empty all the time.

Maybe it's because I'm stupid.

Maybe it's because I'm bored.

Maybe it's all of the above.

I remember there was a time when I couldn't even believe I associated with you.

You were a mistake. An embarrassment in my life.

I was so confident I would never have anything to do with you again.

Yet here we are.

At first I would only meet with you occasionally, but now I've reached the point where I can't even go one day without you.

Again.

I want to obliterate you.

I need to obliterate you.

But what's the point?

I know that even if I can resist you for one day. One week. One month. Maybe even one year. You'll come back to ruin me again.

You always find a way, no matter how hard I try.

I'm so tired of trying to fight you.

I'm so tired of trying to avoid you.

I'm so tired of trying to forget you.

I just want you dead.

I know I need help, but I don't want anyone to know. To know how stupid and weak and shameful and embarrassing I actually am.

I just hope for now, a miracle happens and you disappear.

Because I don't know how else I'm supposed to get rid of you forever.

————————————————————————A/N: The poem is not necessarily about a person, the addiction is personified as a person and can be literally anything.

Also please comment and let me know what you think!