The Things We Love and Lose

Chapter 10

Knocking on the wooden door, I circled back to the direction of the kitchen and settled down for the breakfast and waited for her to join. Within ten minutes, she entered the kitchen and settled opposite to me, turning her plate and glancing at the breakfast prepared by the cook

From a month, we had been going through this routine. For a while, I had shifted to the apartment and even though she was aware of my lurking presence, she said nothing and took as much control of my life I could give to her. A month since she said nothing much, lost in her thoughts and the small room of hers. If I put any initiate to talk, she would reply in a monosyllable. Some days, I felt I was living with a statue who did nothing other than stare, eat, sleep.

Sleep.

She sleeps a lot, locking her door.

That wasn't the Sanjana who had slapped me in front of my employees, who had entered my office and threw paint on my coat, who had the audacity to insult my hotel's food.

This wasn't the Sanjana I fell in love with.

I did everything in my power to allow me to enter her pain but there was a big wall around her, so impeccable, so hard to break.

She talked with no one except the officers when they would ask something. Adirath was in the jail from two weeks. I had thought that would prove to be some relief and give a response but how wrong was I.

I don't paint anymore.

"Do you need anything?" I asked like every morning.

Like every other morning, she answered, "No, thank you for asking."

It was enough, Sanjana. You needed to get out of this.

"There is something I want to ask." My spoon halted few inches away from my lips and I perked my ears to hear her correctly. From a month, she had asked nothing. "Breakfast. Can I make it from tomorrow?"

"Why?"

She threw the cereal spoon in the bowl with disgust. "I am tired of eating this shit. How do you eat this? I want parathas, oily parathas."

"The cook can make. Just tell—"

"I want to eat of my hands." She played with the table napkin with nervousness. "Can I make my own breakfast? I hate her food." How could I forget her love for food? "She has no taste. How do you eat it? Are you mad? Don't you know taste?"

My lips quirked up in a smile and wondered about the strange happenings of this morning, at how she reflected back the Sanjana I knew, who used to complain at my eating foods, who used to ask for spicy food whilst I used to complain how it wasn't good for her.

"You can make anything you want. Don't ask me such questions." She sighed in relief and stood up from the chair. "Anything else you need?" She shook her head from the refrigerator, her hands moving inside the refrigerator. "Ask it away, Sanjana."

Sluggishly, she pulled her face out of the silver metal and peered at me. "You know how every morning and evening I go out?" For wondering, yes, I was aware and some days, you give me heart attack when I don't find you. "Will you join me this evening?"

I smiled. "I would love to join you." A small smile curled her lips. You wouldn't be able to see it unless you look deeper, unless you realize how many times you have heard her silently crying but yet could do nothing and see, unless you have heard her screams. "Anything else?"

"Do you want me to pack lunch for you?" She bit her lower lip, her white lowers didn't match the sadness reflected in her eyes.

A crack.