an// HEY GUYS! i'm back with another one shot:) after reading your comments, it seemed that you guys wanted to see kaycees perspective of all of this, so thats what I gave you:) it switches back to Seans p.o.v halfway through, just so you know. Im pretty happy with how this whole story turned out and i'm excited for you guys to read it!
happy reading:)
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kaycees pov
i couldn't sleep, not after what sean had said by the fire. i made his world slow, rid him of worries, gave him energy... he told me all of it was true when i asked, but how could i believe it? i tossed and turned in the sheets, trying to be quiet as to not wake bailey and tahani.
it was so hard to be without him for the last month. as immensely proud of him as i was, i still wished everyday that he was with me, dancing with me, laughing with me, smiling at me. sean and i were close, closer than your average set of friends, but Sean was more than just a person to me, he was an energy, he was a light in my life, he was a part of my soul. I had liked sean for years, but to me it was more than like, was it love? i wondered if love was too weak a word for what i felt for him. Every time he looked in my eyes, i melted, never wanting to look away. I had always been scared of eye contact, of letting people in. but with sean, i could, because i knew that he would never hurt me.
The last four weeks had been miserable, seeing his face pop up every time I opened my phone, through the constant #seaycee posts I was tagged in. It was a constant battle in my mind, missing him, but also trying to learn to live without him. I took so many classes while he was away, trying to distract myself from the feeling of loss that was always in my head. When he asked me about it this morning, I was supposed to lie, I was supposed to tell him that I wanted to improve, to grow as a dancer, and I did,of course, but it was hard to grow without him by my side. As soon as he asked me, and looked into my eyes, I felt myself give way, and told him the truth. I cried, wishing that it wasn't so hard to be away from him, but being back in his arms, with his hands rubbing my back, I felt at home. I tried not to imagine a world in which Sean felt the same way that I did about him, it caused me too much pain once I remembered that it wasn't my reality. But after todays events, the way that he looked at me, I could almost see that he was going through the same thing I was. I had to be imagining it. I couldn't tell him, how I felt. The risk of losing his presence in my life was too real to even consider.
After what seemed like years, I looked at the clock and read the time, 4:00am. Trying to clear my head, I decided to get a glass of water, leaving my warm bed and walking out of the room. I opened the door as quietly as I could and took careful steps in the direction of the kitchen. I poured myself some water and walked over to the window to see the beautiful view of the lake, but instead i saw a different view, one even more beautiful. A boy, with dark messy hair and a strong figure sitting out on the dock. my heart took over before my mind could interrupt as I opened the door to the cool morning air. He didn't hear me come out, but as I stared at him from afar, I could hear that he was singing. Sean could sing, he was incredible at it, as he was at everything else, but as I neared, the song i heard was filled with passion. He sang with pain, with anger, with love. I stayed frozen in my spot as I listened to the music surrounding me.
this is gonna hurt , but i blame myself first
cause i ignored the truth
drunk off of that love, my head up
there's no forgetting you
his voice rang with sorrow, as his head hung low, singing with all his heart
you've awoken me, but you're choking me
i was so obsessed
gave you all of me, and now honestly, i've nothing left
it seemed as though he related to the lyrics of the song, ones of such sadness, of unrequited love... i found myself wishing that i was the girl he was singing about.
