Breathing

Chapter 1

Breathing. The process of taking in air and expelling it from the lungs. 

A simple definition of a word that everyone lives by everyday. Something we naturally have to do to stay alive. An action that keeps our heart pumping, blood moving, brain thinking. But when you die, that all stops, everything shuts down. No beating heart, blood stops moving, brain stops thinking. But people still think they are with us. That they will always be there. How does that really even work? How can someone who is dead, still be with us when that stopped breathing?  

I wonder that as I stare at the grave stone a few feet from me. 

Samantha Joans, Loving mother and daughter. 1972-2018. R.I.P. 

I read it to myself over and over again, thinking how this all happened. I was sitting in the living room waiting for my mom to get back from the kitchen with our snacks, we are watching a movie tonight. Our tradition since I was 6, always watch a movie together on the weekends. Of course we missed a couple weekends but we always tried to watch a movie every weekend. It started to get harder as I got older, more homework to do, mom was working a lot more to help pay the bills that we had. They were all medical bills though, mom was sick a lot. Whether it be a cold, or something worse. 

A few years ago, mom was diagnosed with terminal breast cancer. She was devastated. The doctors tried to explain everything as well as they could but she never really understood what was really going on. A few months after radiation and chemo, she had understood what was eventually going to happen, she never talked about it, and I didn't either. I didn't want to think about a world that didn't have my mom in it. 

Mom yells my name from the kitchen. I run to the kitchen and see her lying on the floor. She can't get up and she looks like she is in a lot of pain. We both have the same look on our faces, so I call an ambulance and then follow them to the hospital. She didn't come home that night, or any night after that. 

That was two weeks ago, and I still haven't cried. You'd think that I would have cried at the hospital, but I didn't. I had to be strong for the rest of my family. Grandma and Grandpa were devastated at the lose of their only child. I tried to do as much as I could but I only got in the way. So I stopped helping, I went numb, I guess you could say. No emotion was readable from me. I never smiled, laughed, or cried. And I still don't I just keep thinking how I should have helped more and that maybe none of this would have happened if I had just helped more than I did. 

I feel a hand on my shoulder and look over to see my grandma smiling at me softly, "You know she loved you, right?" She said as a few tears fall from her ocean blue eyes. I only nod because I haven't been able to say anything at all today. Not since I had to wear a black dress to my mothers funeral. 

As I stair at my feet, I think of what my life will be like from now on. Actually, how I will live without mom. She was everything to me, my best friend, my rock. And now she is gone and there is nothing I can do about it.  

"Sweetie, there is someone we would like you to meet," grandma says. I turn around to come face to face with a older man, not much older than mom. His hair going grey, blue eyes, and flashy white teeth. He is wearing a nice black suit, and then I realize who he is. He is my father.. 

So.., this is a new book. I had some new inspiration and decided to start a new book. I hope you guys like it! -Cat