Jaded Reality

Choice?

Huffing air like a snarling beast was a way of feeling alive, a way of letting people know that their opinions did feel like a mountain of unwanted waste, being hovered over ones mind.

Why did I care, why did I even think that being in the spotlight was easy, was normal. It wasn't, it felt like a threat, a threat to either survive or die with the unwanted weight of doing things in a certain way.

Was I not willed to voice my opinions, to voice my options, to let them know that I existed, when they chose to ignore?

It wasn't the opinions they formed that riled me up, but the kind of things they silently tried to squish down my loved ones, in order to lay my deathbed, for their cruel amusement.

I might be wide-eyed but they, the ones I loved found satisfaction in the hands of others, the ones that weren't important, the ones that kept a dagger to always imply a wound of self-righteousness.

Could I disobey? Could I handle down the words like 'No' to their opinions? Could I make my loved ones believe in me, in my choices?
These weren't questions but riddles to my own answer.

No form of magic or socery could ever understand the poisonous ways of a human mind. It always reeked of jealousy and supremacy, It always tamed control, to make others feel helpless, to push in their words against the good of others.

I wanted to hold my thoughts, to gather strength, to lift my body away from such unwanted filth. But I was stuck not because I cared about their respect, but because I dearly loved the ones that chose to listen to them and shut me down when I tried to speak.

For them I would do anything.

For them I would listen to the whole damned world, only to let them know that even though they chose to ignore my thoughts, my choices at times, they still were my only saviours, the ones I would go to when everyone else chose to leave me, because they cared.