Jaded Reality

I Hope So!

"Whats it like being vulnerable? being afraid? Does it ever stop? Does it ever go away."

"It doesn't. It's like this persistent feeling of being overlooked, of being surrounded by people but never being fully able to participate. It's a benign feeling of being empty, of being left with no where to hide, no where to run. It's this constant fear of being judged for your thoughts, your actions, your mind, your heart. It's everything you wish to never go through, but you do. You always do."

"How do you cope with it?"

"You don't. You see that's the thing, not everything can be fixed or solved by a mere choice of action. You just learn to live with it. You master the art of moving past the boulders and the hurricanes. You become an inevitable force, jolting your crippled heart to form its own daggers and thorns, to keep the pain at bay-"

"-Why does the inevitable sound so alone."

"Because sometimes when you learn the art to keep everything at bay, you lose yourself in a bubble of your own mistakes and horrors, your own fears and self doubts and when someone, someone who truly loves and cares about you, tries to pry open your walled up heart, you inevitably choose words of destruction and blades of selfish actions. You become the person you hate the most and suddenly you blame everyone when they don't turn back... back to fend to your needs, to your cries. You become... You become-"

"Indestructible."

"Yes, but not in a good way. When you try to push past everything, you gain control on parts of yourself that should have never been installed within you. You frisk through all the murk and leisures and seek out the past, the bruises, the cries, the fears, the mistakes, the stolen victories. You become a maiden of lost hope. You become a mirage of helpless words. You become a house of destruction waiting to be decked, waiting to be tucked, waiting to be toppled over, only to be drowned in your own fears."

"I guess I don't wanna grow old, if everything feels so... Dead"

"Well you did sum up my rather long explanation perfectly to a conclusion but growing up and being in and out of pain or heartbreak is a part and parcel of the days we live but trust me, even if my words seem black and gray, the journey does end up being colourful and hopeful. It does spark a sense of curiosity and learning and well you do get to meet some interesting characters that eventually become your anchor or your learning curve. So it's a win-win situation if you ask me."

"I hope you find your source of happiness and every curve that has crossed your path, gives you the closure you deserve and keeps your smile alive the way it does right now."

"I hope so too. I hope so too."