A Thousand Words

Death

Death
December 17, 2015

Are you afraid to die? Are you ready to leave everything behind? Naturally, people are afraid to die because they don't want to leave the people they love and there are still things that they haven't accomplished yet. Numerous people have bucket lists. I also have it! Some people are frightened of death because they don't want to see their loved ones die before them. I'm one of these people! I'd rather die first than witness the suffering of the people I love and care about. I'm not scared of dying, I'm scared of losing them.

Death, just the thought of it scares people. Death comes when we least expect it. Death is inevitable to come into our lives. Death is everybody's enemy. Death, all of us will end up being nothing. To some people, especially suicidal ones, death is their way of escaping whatever temporary problems and feelings they are suffering. They commit suicide because they can't handle the pain anymore. They exchange their lives for a temporary situation that they might be able to solve and survive. Suicidal people don't like to die. Do you know what triggers their will to commit it? No one cares for them. No one with a sincere heart is there for them. They find solace through suicidal thoughts. Many people end up in the graveyard leaving guilty and sorrowful loved ones behind. No one saves them from dying. All they ever need is attention and love but no one tries to stay with them in times of their darkest moments.

Honestly, I tried to commit suicide. I confessed it to a priest two years ago. My burden seems to be lightened after telling it to him. I have had suicidal thoughts until now. I wish God would take me already. Every night before I sleep, I pray that I won't be able to wake up the next morning. I never fail in asking for my death to come and I always apologize for being so ungrateful for the life He gave to me. I know I'm lucky enough to live because some people aren't given the chance to have it while I'm sulking about why I'm still breathing.

This year is heart-wrenching for me. Two of the people I love died and this month is the death anniversary of the man I liked before. In August, my Korean crush died because of heart failure. It broke my heart. I wasn't able to talk to him because he was kind of strict and not approachable but I liked him still. I didn't even look at him in his coffin for me not to cry in front of his family, friends, and colleagues. In October, my idol chef Hasset Go died because of liver cancer. He was so young to die but have to accept that he's gone somewhere I wouldn't be able to see him. I can't believe that he's gone forever! It is hard to say goodbye to him because he is so kind-hearted, humble, thoughtful, generous, and a loving son, friend, and colleague. I didn't expect that he would die even if it was obvious he was dying because of his health instability. The moment I saw the news on TV, I cried and sobbed like a child. I haven't met him in person but the thought that one of my idols died is dreadful and heart-wrenching!

Death is an unwelcome guest in our lives. The more it is unwelcome, the greater the chance it will visit and take us away from the people we love. Today, we are laughing, smiling, and partying with our friends and family but tomorrow we will be lying down on the bed, on the street, in the car, or in the coffin lifeless, leaving poignant memories to our loved ones!

Yuchae Moon