November 18,2012
Dear diary,
Today me and Jay went on a day for our 6 month anniversary. We went to a drive in movie then the carnival. I was having so much fun just spending time with him hearing him laugh. He makes me so happy.
He makes me forget.
Everything was going so well until we ran into some girls from our school.
They started saying things.
"he's so fucking fat! What does Jay even see in him"
"he's probably just using him, or he just with him because of a bet"
"maybe he's with him out of pity, he doesn't have any friends."
I don't know if they thought they were whispering, but everything they said made my heart skip a beat. So many thoughts ran through my head one after another.
What if he really was only with me because he felt bad?
What if he leaves me?
What if he finds someone better?
What will I do when he finally realized I'm not good enough for him?
My throat started burning and everything turned into one big blur. I could feel Jay pull me into his chest but after that I couldn't remember anything else.
When I woke up I was in my bed and Jay was laying next to me watching tv.
He said I had a panic attack and passed out.
I wonder how he got me home all alone. I probably weighed him down with all my extra fat.
Maybe one day I'll actually lose weight and stop being a fatass.
Messages from him 🌤
