love letters ; tyrus

.16

cyrus felt like all of the life had been drained out of him as he curled up on the bathroom floor. his heart ached for the blonde boy he adored so much. he wanted nothing more than to be in his arms as the boy whispered in his ear.

"it's going to be alight, little man." he would've said. "i'm right here, it's alright."  but the thing was, he wasn't. nobody was.

cyrus couldn't take this empty feeling anymore.    he needed fresh air. he needed to feel alive again.

he rose to his feet, pushing himself off of the ground. his limbs were shaky and his vision was blurry, but he fought through it. he felt his palms collide with the cold metal of the door handle, and he pushed it open at full force. his breaths were still quick, and from an outsiders point of view, it would've looked like he just ran a mile.

he frantically turned his head to the left, looking at the closest exit just down the hall. as he began to put his left foot forward, his insides grew weak. he could feel his body calm down, softening up with every breath he drew.

"tj." he whispered, barely audible.

tj kippen was sat against the lockers with his knees pressed to his chest. tj wasn't aware of cyrus' presence just down the hall because his head was buried in his legs.

cyrus took a couple uneasy steps towards the direction of tj, wobbling trying trying to keep his balance centered.

"tj." cyrus breathed out again, feeling like he was in a dream. everything around him looked so distorted and faded. he felt like he jumped out of his own body and was looking at everything from above. his heart was racing. he didn't know what to think.

cyrus' right foot hit the ground. first his heel, then his toes. he walked on the side of his feet , trying to walk in the straightest line he could, by tit was very difficult when he felt so out of it and dazed.

'left, right, left, right.'

cyrus' brain chanted, helping him move along down the corridor.

he planted his feet firmly on the ground and wiggled his toes, feeling his socks rub against his skin. cyrus was now standing directly over the boy on the ground, looking down at him with a blank expression. he inches his left foot towards tj's and tapped his shoe lightly.

this action caused tj to jump, being startled from the sudden contact with human life. he was so in his own bubble that he wasn't expecting it. he lifted his head up and his eyes soon met cyrus' red ones looking back down at him.

"do you hate me?" cyrus hiccuped quietly. it took a couple seconds for tj to processes the words that were coming out of the other boys mouth, but when he understood, his sad eyes grew soft.

"i don't hate you. to be honest, i could never hate you. i just hate myself for letting it get this bad." tj choked out, his eyes fluttering back to the ground. once again, his eyes turned lifeless, something that cyrus has never seen before, and that scared him.

"i'm so sorry."

cyrus fell to his knees and sat himself right next to tj, their bodies so close they started to form as one.

"i'm so sorry."

tj snaked his arm around cyrus' shoulders, pulling him into his chest. the two boys still felt lifeless, but they could now feel hope rising from within.

"i'm so sorry."

cyrus buried his face in tj's chest, letting his slow tears fall onto his sweatshirt.

the two boys sat there in silence, letting the darkness of the dimly lit corridor take over their. it felt like they were the only two people in the world as they listened to the ringing of silence and the soft patter of rain drops on the windows.

cyrus focused on tj's breathing, while tj focused on the thoughts in his mind. they spun around his head as if they were playing a game with him. a confusing messed up game that tj didn't want to partake in, but he had no other choice but to sit there and think.

time fell slow on the two boys. seconds began to feel like hours and minutes started to feel like days. it was as if the concept of time flew out of the window and swept away with the storm. they both felt lost, but they were content with that. they now had each other and that was all that mattered to them.

although the they weren't one hundred percent sure they were alright, they lived off of each others presence like it was necessary for survival.

"love can make you happy, but often times it hurts. love is only special when you give it to who it's worth."

cyrus furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, slowly lifting his head off of tj's chest to look at him. "huh?"

"i chose you because you were special to me. you are worth more than all of the stars in sky in my eyes. you've always been special to me, ever since the first day i laid my eyes on you three years ago. you were in the park with buffy, andi, and another boy. i assumed you were playing some version of tag, since all three of you were running around. i couldn't help but stare. i remember watching you sit down pretending like you were tagged, although i clearly saw you weren't. it made me smile. i wasn't quite sure what i was feeling, because it was all foreign to me, but i know i liked the feeling. you made my heart happy and full."

"buffy, andi, marty, and i. you remember that?" cyrus eyes glistened as a smile creeped up on his face. tj nodded and sighed.

"i know you don't feel the same way, but i wanted to let you know. i've never felt the way i do about you with someone else and i can't stand being away from you any longer. what do you say, little man, can we forget this ever happened?"

"but what if i don't want to."

a/n yoooo i'm so sorry i haven't updated in so long. i really want to get back into updating though, so expect more from me soon!