Edge of Darkness {J.K.}

Two

I wasn't angry anymore. I'd moved onto what I believed to be the third step in the five step plan I'd created in my head.

Step One: Denial. When I told myself that he didn't mean it and that he'd be back.

Step Two: Anger. A burning anger that made every muscle in my body tense with rage at the mention of his name.

Step Three: Sadness. Pain. Regret. All of it.

Step Four: Acceptance. This step felt miles away from where I was, a whole different end of the spectrum.

Step Five: Moving On. Seemingly entirely impossible at this point.

The last week of senior year was dragging on, and my state of mind at the moment wasn't helping. I was lucky to even be graduating at this point. Fail after fail in every class, but that's what I get for letting myself get so distracted.

It was lunch time now, the only part of the day I could be alone. I placed my stuff on our old table, one of the tiny ones with two chairs by the window. I sat in the seat he used to sit in and rummaged through my backpack to find the protein bar I'd packed for lunch. I hadn't been eating much either. Every time I looked in the mirror, my face looked a little more, well, dead.

Tara caught my eye from across the cafeteria, smiling and waving, attempting to persuade me to sit with all of my friends at the table I sat before he transferred here. I waved back and shook my head. To my dismay but not surprise, she stood up and starting walking toward me, her heels loudly clacking against the tile floor. I closed my eyes and sighed, turning to meet her with a fake smile.

"Mia," she began, "we want you to sit with us. It's the last week of the year. You've been sitting here alone for a month. We miss you."

I ran through every excuse I could make in my head, but I soon realized I'd already used them all. So this time I gave in. "Um, okay."

I grabbed my stuff and followed her back to the table where I sat between Danny and our other friend Michael, the one who'd thrown me into the quarry where I first met Jake.

"Good to have you back, kid," Danny put his arm around my shoulders and squeezed me. "It's been too quiet without you."

"Good to be back," I lied through a half smile.

You would think that my friends would be the ones to cheer me up. That was the farthest thing from reality, with the exception of Danny who was an absolute angel to me when I allowed him to be. When I overheard Tara and Delaney in the locker room going back and forth about how delusional and pathetic I was, I got pretty turned off of ever speaking to them again. They didn't know I heard, and I'm not the confrontational type, so they think I ditched the table just because of him. They think everything I do these days is because of him, and maybe it is, but it still boiled my blood to hear them shit talking their heartbroken friend.

Then, something came over me in that moment. Like I said, I'm not the confrontational type, but I couldn't sit here and let them think I was this fragile, heartbroken girl that just constantly moped over someone that didn't want her.

I cleared my throat, and I felt all eyes advert to me. "I just wanted to say I'm sorry about ditching all of you. I let him break me when I shouldn't have." I flicked my eyes over to Tara and Delaney at the opposite end of the table. "I'm not delusional or pathetic. I just don't know how to deal with shit like this."

I saw Tara and Delaney exchange looks, and then Danny spoke up, "We know, Mia. It's okay."

Michael followed, "It's just something the rest of us can't understand because we've never been in your place. But we do understand it takes time, and we're glad you're back."

"Thanks, guys," I smiled a genuine smile for the first time in I don't know how long. Despite the fact there was some shit being said about me, these were my people. I sure as hell gave them a reason to be talking, anyways, and maybe what they were saying at the time wasn't so far from the truth. I guess I was glad to be back.

We all continued eating and fantasizing about our epic last summer together before college until the bell rang for sixth period. Walking to class with Tara, everything actually felt normal. It was a strange feeling, especially considered just earlier at lunch Step Four felt unachievable. But maybe it was, and maybe I was there. Closing myself off from the people I loved was a mistake, and I knew that now. In reality, there were all I needed to heal. Don't get me wrong, I was still a mess, but a little less disastrous and enormous of a mess.

"You heard us in the locker room," Tara interrupted my thoughts while we walked.

"I did, but it's okay. You were right, but I'm different now," I assured her.

She was silent for a moment. "I didn't mean what I said, anyways. I thought I did when I said it, but I didn't mean it. I saw first hand what you had with him, Mia. It wasn't like anything I'd ever seen. And maybe I was jealous you had someone that could even make you feel so heartbroken, as weird as that sounds. And when he left, a part of you did for a while, too. It's like you guys were one person. And I'm sorry for even bringing him up, I just needed to say that."

"No, I'm glad you said something." And I was. Somehow, it might have been just what I needed to hear, validation toward my feelings that once made me feel completely insane. "Do you want to see a movie or something tonight?"

She grinned, "I'd love to. Should we invite the gang?"

"Of course," I said, actually feeling excited for the night to come, graduation, and finally moving on with my life.