I Don't Love You (sequel)

Jack fucked up...again (tw/ drugs/alcohol/selfharm)

We kept drinking. I should have cut Vic off but I didn't. Instead I went outside and smoked, I went to my bedroom and got coke.

I got fucked up, like my brain already was.

I didn't make the same mistake as before. I made sure Vic and Alex wouldn't see me. I went to my room, I got weed and coke. I went to the bathroom for the coke and locked the door. I went outside to smoke and locked the door.

I knew Vic was too drunk to realise what I was doing.

Alex hadn't come back since leaving hours earlier. I knew they'd be able to tell, and smell it.

I woke up on the bathroom floor, my head by the toilet. I wasn't alone.

Someone was sitting on the edge of the bath.

'Alex?' I could barely make a noise come from my mouth but I managed it.

'Yeah.'

Their voice seemed distant and cold.

'What's wrong?' I tried to move but my head was pounding.

'I can't talk about it right now.'

'Alex? What's wrong?' I made my voice stronger, I forced myself to move through the pain.

'Not now, Jack.'

Their facial expression was one of anger and their face looked lightly stained by tears.

'Have you been crying?' I reached for their face but they turned away.

'I'm going to go check on Vic, stay here.' They got up and left.

Why were they being so cold? What happened? Why were they crying? Were they ok? Was Vic ok?

I couldn't remember past going to smoke. My mind was fuzzy, nothing seemed to connect together. I had blurs of memories but nothing solid.

I manoeuvred myself to a seated position against the wall. I felt like shit. That wasn't new though.

I noticed there were cuts all up both of my arms.

I was what happened. I was why Alex was crying. I was why they were angry and cold.

I fucked up.

Again.

They lines varied in shape, size, and depth. None were deep enough to cause serious injury or copious bleeding.

Why did I do this?

Alex came back into the bathroom with Vic.

Vic didn't look the best but he definitely looked better than I felt.

'Jack...' Vic looked between my face and my arms. 'What...'

'I'm so sorry,' I looked at both of them then myself. 'I don't know what happened.' I felt tears forming and I knew I wouldn't be able to stop them falling so I gave into it. 'I'm so sorry.'

'We'll talk about it later.' Alex said, emotionless.

'Ja-' Vic started but Alex made him stop. They both helped me up and we went to my room. Alex left.

'I'm sorry, Vic. I didn't mean to. I don't know what happened.'

'We'll talk about it later, let's just watch something or nap?'

'What time is it?'

'It's eight...in the evening.'

'Fuck. What?'

'You were out for like fourteen hours, Jack. Alex was really worried...so was I...'

'I am so sorry...'

He simply shook his head, passed me a glass of water, and turned the tv on before we both clambered into my bed. Vic protectively hugging me when we lay down.

'Remember the promise?' Vic said quietly.

I nodded my head in response. I did.

We promised each other we would go as far as we could handle. We would try our absolute hardest to stay. If not for ourself then for the other.

I just wasn't sure how far I had left.