Falling in Love to the Unavailable (bxb)

Chapter 8: Release

Lucas' Point of View:

I know, this may he so hard for you. But know that I contemplated this for a while. I wast sure what to say. I feel like there's a lot of consequences rather than the benefits. And maybe youre wondering, what is my very reason of saying this to you is that, I want things to be clear for you and for me. Because every single time that you express your affection to someone else, I get jelous. Of course, to your gf or to karen. I feel like saying this to you will clear your mind about the reason for my sudden mood swing or tantrum. Well, this is how it started. The first time I saw you was in the second week of school, the day before orientation. I saw your dazzling eyes. Just so you know, it is so beautiful and sparkling. I saw you as a crush because I was attracted by your physical attribute, which is your eyes. Theyre really cute. And that time, I never really tried to hold back my feelings for you because I know its just temporary because it was just your looks that I liked. And so I was used to this kind of feelings. And normally, I wil try my best not to get attached or closed to the person because I know that my feelings will deepen once I had emotional connections with you and once we exchanged the gift of vulnerability. And then it came. You and I became close because of our review sessions for which I  enjoyed so much by the way. I never really enjoyed reviewing all alone becuase tsI so frustrating that I cant talk to someone about how ahard a lesson is and rant how long do I need to finish.and we became close until we are almost within the vicinity of each other everytime. I found myself in the very same situation of my first love. I had to choose between friendship or love. Not that I know that you will fall back for me because beside of me having one sided love for you, you are so straight as fuck. And you know what? One thing I learnt from my first love is that, I wont ever allow myself to fall in love with someone who gas a gf and super straight. That way, I won't be able to hurt myself again and be srupid again, for I know that when im in love, I give so much that I forget to spare for myself. And it hurts to know that you belong to the very unavailable list of mine. So yeah, I like you, but not in a way that I see you as my husband or potential partner that I can call mine and adopt kids with. I know you want A vagina, and I dont have one lol. So thats the reason. Well I still remember up to this time the things that you said. That nothing will change if someone confesses to you. Tbh, I kinda think that you knew that I like you.
1. When I asked you what ailen thinks of me, I expected something like, I look smart, my nose is pointed, im dark. But instead, you said that its okay for her that we are friends.
2. When you asked me If you needed to know whos my crush is in the classroom, you didn't hesitate to respect my decision of not telling you.
1. I will never try to seduce you.
2. I will try to hold back my affection but please, dont push me back when im on the urge of hugging you.
3. Ill keep distance whenever want to spend some time alone.
4. Ill will and will always support your relationship to your significant other.
5. Ill never bring this topic again.

But here are the things that I cant promise you
1. My facial expression and feelings
2. That I will unlove you
Just two things that I dont have control

And so you know, the number two reason for me confessing is that, I suck at lying because of my social anxiety. And it trigger my anxiety so much whenever I try to hide something from you.

And now that ive said the things that I am willing to do to save our friendship. Here are some of my requests.
1. Dont ever take advantage of my feelings.
2. Dont be so harsh on me, okay you may but please understand if I couldnt take it properly.
3. Dont hold back whenever you want to say something to me about your current relationship predicament.
4. Please see me as friend who cares a lot for you so things would be just like we were back then before this.
5. Dont take me for granted, I would always love to hear stories from you and I will always have free time for you.
6. Call me brad again so my moving on stage will be much faster.
7. Let me handle my own emotions but sometimes, ask how I feel. Lol
8. Please let friendly hug be legal, ive already tried to control myself for a cery long time, and its making me seek being deprived of friendly hug.
9. Dont tell ailen, Id rather be dead.
10. Don't tease me okay, im so marupom hahahahahaha
Okay thats all, my closing remarks would be. I liked you for your physical attributes. And now, lets work it out for me to be able to move on. Thanks brad :)