A mindset; lack of potential but still have the eagerness to learn more. Without pressure and free from achieving things you aspired that makes you, you.
–CTHRNPNGLNN
Kabanata 2
I have this feeling that I shouldn't let Jaron face all of his and our problems alone. That's just too much for him! I can't just pretend that he's gonna be alright someday and do nothing. But at some point, Phoebe's right. That I'll just makes it more complicated if I get myself involved.
"I'm sorry," Phobe says. I look at her, who's driving.
"Don't be sorry, I understand." I said with a bit cold tone while looking at the window.
I looked at her for a span and when she looked back and smiled at me, I looked away.
I'm not smiling. Rude I know, I just don't feel like smiling. It's a tiring and a stressful day for me so, no.
––
The moment I lay in bed I releases a heavy sighed. I look at the door when someone knocked in.
Shock for who's been standing right in front of me. Seeing my mother smiling from ear to ear, makes my blood boil.
"How's your night with him?" she said that like it's no big deal but I know it is!
I just look at her blankly and clenched my fist.
"Not surprised at all, I see." she faked a smile.
"I'm not in the mood to argue with you. Not now." I said, gritting my teeth in so much annoyance.
"That poor guy. He left you isn't he?" she says, showing fake concern.
I rolled my eyes. "Why do you have to be such a bitch?" I spat. I almost gulped, surprised for what I just said because I haven't disrespected my parents before. I should be proud of myself right now but I can't. The anger is drowning me.
"Disrespectful child! And what again, I'm the one who's bitch here? I'm just concerned! I love you and I just want the best for you and that guy named Jaron? Isn't the best for you! He killed your own sister, open your eyes, Theille! What's gotten into you being so crazy over that guy. You never learned!" she said hysterically.
"I love him! And he didn't kill my sister! You know what? I'm so angry at you! For being so judgemental, for being fake and for manipulating everything! It's suffucating!" I shouted letting my tears strolled down my face.
"Look at you, crying like a baby!" she laughs, a sincere one. For once! I should be glad that she showed her true colors but she's still my mother. As much as I hate to admit, my chest stings.
"You know what, you need more time to grow up for you to realize that a guy like Jaron doesn't deserves you." she tried moving forward to me but I stepped back, not letting her go near me.
"You know nothing," I spat. Glaring at her. She smiled widely in return.
"Oh, dear. I know everything," she said, still smiling broadly.
"By what, by following me everywhere?" I scowled.
"Yes." she said without humor then left, leaving me shattered.
I'm craving to ask for my freedom but I know she wouldn't give me that, for sure. And it's my life anyway, I could create my own freedom.
For the last time, I let myself cry; savoring every pain with a heartbeat.
