You know you have mastered a soul lesson when the situation is the same, but you respond differently to it.
That's true self mastery.
-MARYAMHASNAA
Kabanata 3
I know it's a stupid idea but I just really want to see Jaron as of now. I'm on my way in his apartment I just wish he's there.
When I arrived, I hesitated if I should still go or not. It took me a long period of time to finally take a step outside but when I saw Jaron walking towards his apartment, I hid at the back of my car.
"Oh my god!" I hissed.
And the moment I lowerly glanced at the window, I sighed when he's already out of my sight.
I decided to go back inside my car and leave. It's pointless being here, anyway. I can't face him even if I would love to. I don't want to be selfish.
The minute I started the engine. I once again saw Jaron outside his apartment, It's like he's looking for something and when his eyes gazed at my car. I drove, fast.
At my rearview mirror, I saw him riding in his motorcycle. Following me. Great! I just ruined everything.
Then a thought striked my head. What if I am being followed? I started to panic and drove faster.
I roll my eyes when I recieve a call from Jaron.
"Fuck it," I cursed and parked my car to a near shop.
I'm fuming mad to myself and to those people who are making this hard for us. We shouldn't be apart from each other and see each other as much as we want to but our love's forbidden.
I immediately unclasped my seatbelt and move outside my car when I saw his motorcycle at the rearview mirror.
I can't help walking towards him with a clenched fist to control my anger with somewhat mixed with a longing for him.
"What are you doing in front of my apartment?"
"Why are you following me?"
We said at the same time.
"Spat," I demanded.
"Look, I know you already knew our situation. You shouldn't have come." he said with weariness.
"It wasn't my fault! In fact, It's yours! You followed me when you shouldn't. What stupidity is that, huh?" I fired back but my tone seems gentle despite of the harsh words.
"Did you even miss me, Theille?" he suddenly ask, changing the subject.
How could he easily say that after a month without a single text or even a slightest shadow from him!
"I'm not answering that. And I am seriously not having this type of conversation with you."
"I have to go," I slightly bowed my head and walks towards my car.
"This, us. I haven't ended it yet, Theille. I'll always hold on to the possibilities not to, I don't want to." he said before leaving.
I almost laugh to what he says but cry at the same time. His words are in contrary to his actions. But sadly, I still hold onto it. That there's still us until the end of all sufferings even if we both knew it's already a blur.
