The Romantic Art of Bitchcraft

Peanut Allergy

   "What are you doing?"
   Madison just about jumps out of her skin at the sudden noise. It's past midnight, and she was sure everyone in Robichaux's was sound asleep.
   "Jesus Christ, bitch!" she snarls, whirling around to face Zoe. "Why are you sneaking up on me?"
   Zoe shrugs. "I got up to use the bathroom, and I noticed you were gone. I figured I'd better make sure you weren't getting yourself into trouble."
   "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Madison demands, hands on her hips.
   "The last time you disappeared," Zoe says, raising her eyebrows at Madison, "I had to get Misty to resurrect you. Fiona's still at large, Madison, so excuse me for worrying."
   The concern in Zoe's eyes is genuine. Madison can see that.
   She smirks at the younger witch.
   "Nah," she shakes her head. "You just wanted some of whatever you thought I was smoking down here. Well, sorry to break it to you, but the only thing I'm cooking up are these sumbitches."
   Zoe stares at Madison like she's lost her damn mind.
   "You're cooking what?" she asks.
   "Sumbitches," Madison repeats. "You know, the cookies?"
   Zoe's look of confusion only grows.
   "God, have you never seen How I Met Your Mother?" Madison huffs, turning back to the mixing bowl in front of her.
   Zoe shakes her head. "I haven't seen that one."
   "Well it has this scene towards the end of the series where the mysterious mother gives Lily-- one of the characters-- these cookies that have, like, chocolate chips and peanut butter and caramel, and Lily refers to them as 'good sumbitches' so the mother jokes that that's what she calls them," Madison explains with a shrug. "Anyway, I know it's your birthday tomorrow, and I thought you might like them."
   She turns back around, sneaking a glance at Zoe who is staring at the bowl like it wants to kill her and she's wondering if she should say something or not.
   Wait a minute, Madison thinks. Maybe it can kill her, if she's...
   Fuck.
   "You have a peanut allergy," Madison guesses. She doesn't pose it as a question, because she already knows the answer.
   "Yeah," Zoe admits, looking very much like she's about to apologize to Madison for her goddamn peanut allergy, as if she's actually responsible for it. "I'm really s--"
   "If you tell me you're sorry for not being able to put nuts in your mouth, I swear to god I'll shove an entire spoonful of this down your throat," Madison warns, slamming down the spoon she was using to mix the ingredients. "And I'll make sure you won't be brought back after it kills you!"
   Zoe nods, fighting back a smile.
   "I never told you what day my birthday is," Zoe points out.
   "So?" Madison snaps, dumping the contents of the mixing bowl into the trash.
   "So," Zoe says, drawing out the word, "you said you were making these for my birthday. But I never told you what day it is. So, how did you know?"
   Madison fidgets uncomfortably.
   "I, uh, might have snuck into Cordelia's office and, uhm, stolen your file to find out," she confesses, earning a stupid, adorable, annoying goofy grin from Zoe. "Shut up, bitch!"
   Zoe just stands there like an idiot, smiling at her and making dumbass heart-eyes at Madison.
   "Stop it, dumbass!" Madison grumbles, dropping her head so Zoe won't see the smile creeping across her own face. "And happy birthday, you whore."
   Zoe steps forward and lifts Madison's chin.
   "Thank you," she says, using that low, seductive voice that she knows turns Madison on. Zoe brushes her lips so softly against Madison's, she might as well not even be kissing her.
   Fucking tease.
   Zoe gently tugs on Madison's chin, moving her head down an inch so she can fucking lick the sugar off of her nose while her other hand rests on Madison's stomache, ever so lightly massaging it, her fingers just scraping the top lining of her underwear.
   "You're a messy baker," she breathes in her ear.
   Then Zoe lets her go, turning and walking away, leaving Madison all hot and ridiculously bothered.
   "Where the fuck are you going?" she glares.
   Zoe stops.
   "Bed," she calls over her shoulder. "Your bed. Clean this up first, though. I'll wait."
   Fucking beautiful stupid gorgeous dumb bitch.
   Madison opts not to clean the mess in the kitchen first, knowing full well that Cordelia will do it when she wakes up. Sure, she'll be pissed about it, but right now Madison doesn't care.
   Right now, the only thing Madison cares about is making Zoe scream.