Well, if you couldn't assume from the title of this chapter, today I had an apithany, i.e. "sudden realisation of great truth", if you don'r know that line from The Simpsons Movie, shame on you go watch it now!
Anyway, today I finally realised that if (well, when) I kill myself, everyone is going to get over it super quickly. And I mean SUPER quickly. Like, my friends and family will be over it in the month following my death, and sure they'll be sad and blah blah yeah I've heard that crap already. And my parents will be over it within a year. I'm honestly not sure how I feel about this, on one hand, I am glad, because I won't feel so bad when I do kill myself. But on the other hand, the hand holding me back from properly killing myself, I'm not so glad... I mean, not wanting to hurt people is the only thing stopping me from killing myself... and knowing that they'll be over it soon enough... I don't know it just, makes me feel just as unimportant and as invalid as I already have been...
So those are my thoughts for the day..
<3 xx
