Will you remember ?

Deeper

Im sitting in my room . I can feel my heart is broken .
I'm here again , crying .
My head resting on the wall , my mind came with you .
Me heart I can't feel it . I'm bleeding and can't help myself .
I know when I'm okay , I'm gonna try to come back here again and try to help myself . But you know what ? I don't even want to help myself .
I wanna let myself fall and see myself fall and cry that I'm falling .
I want to stay here for you and cry until I can't . And tomorrow ?
Tomorrow to ! They told me I won't get you back even if I die crying  , but there's something telling me that it will be ok if I do .
I wanna die here . I can hear your voice , I can smell you from the distance .
I remember you were here and I used to kiss your forehead saying you going to be alright .
I remember I wasn't alright . I remember I was hiding my tears to make you laugh .
I was listening to you . To whatever you said . I was living the way you said , because I loved you .
I didn't know you were just a lesson.And if I knew , I would do the same .
Ain't nothing to help me out .
I told you I can hold you , I can hold you for life . For forever . I can't breath.
We said goodbye and now I sit here alone just reminiscing . I'm lost and tired .
I remember coming back home and eating nothing . I remember myself but I did this just for you .
I let everything happen . I let everything go .
Now you're gone . I miss your soul I miss your life I miss us . I miss everything , you were my life .
You were my song in the morning you was the melody . You're the whole galaxy .
Me and my fantasy , your lies they keep killing me .
I needed you .

Apologizing for shit I didn't do that's what kills me .
Knocking at your door and laughing out loud cause I was kidding you .
‚Hey Baby , you there ?
Oh stop kidding me , I know you there .
I got your favorite drink and that's your favorite girl holding it boyyyyyy.
Babe? '
After coming to surprise your ass cause you said you're sick , you're staying home and you sleeping .
Sleeping ? Ye ye.
You weren't home .
Sitting in a bank , crying and drinking your favorite drink . Yeah , favorite girl .. your girl . Fuck all that .
We weren't even that close as I thought . It was me thinking this kind of shit .
Love and shit .
I remember yeah . Everything .
I hate you for everything . I hate you for not feeling me . For feeling nothing and telling me I'm everything . I wasn't shit .
Let's be honest . Do you even know we were together ?
I remember that
'Why you hurting me again ? Tell me , what in the hell did I fucking do to you to hurt me like this ? What did I do to do all this to me ?
Aren't you here ? Where the fuck and what the hell is in your mind ?
Tell me ? Don't do this
You think I'll forever stay and let you do all this ? I will man , I will . Here is the truth I won't let go I won't . Do this .
Fuck my head and my life and take everything .
Take everything. Everything , I won't leave .
Talking facts I will stay . I will
And I hate myself for this . I hate loving you so hard , what the fuck did you do to me ?
Why you doing all this ? '
Sleeping in that couch crying . You didn't even touch me .
Didn't even say a thing .
What would you say if I would do this to you ?
Nothing . Cause I would never do this to you .
Kill me right here and I will stay right here .
It was so hard I don't know .
And realizing , I love so good .
So , me and you we were good until you started being cold to me . Giving me nothing to sit and play with . Nothing .
So , you started giving me up . Better saying , you were never giving it anything . You started hmm .. letting go ? Idk .
You just didn't care . You never cared but you officially didn't give a fuck anymore .
Anymore ? I don't know what you did man . I just know you started distancing ..
I remember sitting in my room and crying .
Today wasn't the first time . It was worse .
So , I just didn't understand it cause I didn't know you're like that .
I didn't go to school . I didn't hang out with my best friend .
I didn't eat . I didn't talk to my dad . I didn't listen to my mom .
Didn't let my sis advice me .
Didn't care about my brother . Didn't fuck with nobody . Didn't give a shit if my aunts or my uncles alive .
Didn't feel myself . Didn't ask my soul . Didn't follow my rules anymore .
Another person . I changed .
I just never knew where this is taking me .
So .. after a time , doubting on you , I just found out you together with another one .
'Since what ?
2 weeks? Wtf ? '
Crying , calling you to explain this to me .
I was just scrolling at your phone , saw a picture of you and her .
You was holding her from behind and she was wearing your shirt .
Ayyyy , that was cute yeah . It was ok . It was nice . Y'all so cute .
And you fucked my soul .
Fell on my knees crying and not realizing .
I said I could never imagine you with someone else .
I could never imagine you putting your hands on someone else .
I never imagined you looking at someone else like this .
Will I ever feel like this again ?
I will never love the way I loved you .
This came like a bomb . Exploding inside me and my head .
I just knew , going home wouldn't help . There ain't nobody who'll understand so it's over .
Going home means leaving you for today . Seeing you tomorrow . Nope
This is to much . I wanted you . I didn't want to leave so . That was our first time .
You started kissing me , I started crying .
I started feeling you inside me more than ever . Maybe because I saw you going somehow. I was seeing me losing you and seeing me losing myself if you go .
It was me getting killed and giving you the weapon .
You wiped my tears away , said :'if you be patient , we'll forever be together '
I said I will , cause I love you .
You can stay with her , as long as you stay with me.
‚Do you love her ?'
‚No , I don't ‚
‚You love me ?'
‚ I swear I do ‚
Wouldn't you believe this ?
I could never lie like this , that's why I believed you .
Yeah . The best night ever . I just didn't leave . I stayed beside you.
You broke me , I helped you .
You killed me , I helped you .
You pushed me away , I held you .
Well , our first sex , I just laid down with you and told you exactly how I feel .
I said I'm scared . Scared to lose you . I never wanted to see you with someone else .
I said I miss the way you were , even though you never did anything for me .
Well , you talked to me for hours . Telling me what's right and wrong .
Telling me my best friend is the best for me and I should do school .
I should stay by my family .I shouldn't do everything just for the love .
Love comes and goes . Love isn't everything .
You said :'love acts like it's everything ‚
We talked for hours .
I should've been hating you , for everything you did . Nope , I was thanking you , for existing .
What a fool.
If we could throwback , I would spit you in your face , I would tell you to fuck off and I would go .
But this wouldn't be the right thing . Cause I was growing through you .
And I like it now .
If this wouldn't happen to me , my life would be boring . I like it yeah , cause I'm really proud of who I am now .
To be continued ===>