BUTTER;k.hyuk

CHAKRA

06.

i remember this conversation we had about energy.
it was a long time ago.

a girl who follows horoscopes and
always trying to pin it on me.

i'm too busy to believe.

this music is blasting.
i'm sitting next to a speaker.

red lights flashing
pretty. faded.

valentine's day

f.uck, what do i get her?

right around the corner.
she gets everything she wants.

stripper with the lime green hair, champagne on a silver platter.
don't mind if i do.

pre-rolls plenty,
a girl lights one up from me.

i blow smoke in her face.

illusion.

she wants to dance.
i don't dance.

just hold onto hips as she shakes and dips,
hoping to catch the rhythm of which i step.

stupid.

i decline. constantly declining.
always declining when you have a girl at home.

a girl that won't text me but is tempted to.
she knows i'm supposed to be having fun with my friends
but i know she's worried.

not the jealous type but protective over her own.
don't drink too much she told me as she kissed me three times goodbye.

i'm not a fun drunk.
the type that likes to dance and do dumb shit for views.

i'm emotional. definitely emotional.
the sick type too. and blake has to deal with it.

this girl keeps shoving her phone into my face.
gets into my lap, throws her ass back to the music.

whatever. her friends are hyping her up.
there's this smirk on my face i can't get rid of.
faded.

her friends are recording her.
my publicity managers going to be so mad.

blogs.
blogs.
blogs.

will probably repost anything that gets posted on the internet.
hyuk kwon seen "getting friendly"with new lady friend.

the headlines are always the worst.
but you see-
i'm faded.

so i'm not going to do anything about things going on right now.
but i'll think about it.

in this moment, my brain doesn't control my body.
it's just a composition of zig-zaggy flesh that does a whole lot of thinking and reflecting.

like i said.
hold onto hips,
hope i don't look stupid.

my friends hype me up.
it's not even my birthday.

i take a pull from the blunt between my lips and blow smoke.

home.
she's asleep.

the house is quiet.

i can barely get out of these stupid ass shoes.

i close the bedroom door louder than i intended and wake her up.

she groans and stretches her legs.
i cuss myself out.

"sorry"
"ass"

i kiss her cheek and she hums.

if i'm smart i'll delete the videos i know are on public display,
the videos i know she can see.

if i'm smart i'll--
crawl into bed next to her.

kiss her forehead then
put my head between her chin and her chest where it's warm and i feel
safe.

i'll let publicity deal with it later. isn't that what i pay them for?
to clean up my irresponsible mistakes and messes?

for now i feel safe.
i fish my thigh between hers where it's warm.
she curses at me but still wraps me up.

security.