BUTTER;k.hyuk

POETRY

09.

soundless patterings against a frosted window.
has his hair always been this soft?
i haven't taken my eyes off the ceiling for a while.

every flick of his tongue brings me closer to god.
if i had this everyday i wouldn't be so stressed.

my thighs wrapped up in his arms, head between them.
locks of his curly black hair are tickling my tummy.

keep his name in my mouth.

i can feel him smirking when i moan a little too loudly,
i cover my own mouth
cuss my own self out

but how can i be quiet when he--

then he lays his eyes on me
when he puts his eyes on me

i believe heaven is overrated

i lock my legs as i come undone
lost count.
i wonder what he's thinking about as

he kisses on my hips

then he tells me,
calls me beautiful.
smiles in my face.

he's gorgeous,
so i stroke his face.

i photocopy the man before my eyes 10 times over
fingers entangled
ask myself this question

"you feeling better?"

i had a shitty day.
i didn't want to think. constantly thinking.
my brain runs laps around my skull generating answers for those who constantly inquire.

of course hyuk tells me to quit my job.
he frequently deems my employment pointless,
emphasizes my ability to quit and become this stay-at-home broad that barely leaves the house unless i'm taking advantage of mr. hyuk kwon's abundant riches.

that's how his publicity wants it too.

tempting some days, but that wasn't how i was raised at all.

"i still just want to curl up and take my stress nap"
"nah, that's not good"
"why? because you choose to work through it?"
he snickers, "or party through it?"

thought: i kind of like to push his buttons sometimes.

"bunch of—"
i get up off the bed and pull down my sweater.
"strippers with huge fake asses, you know? slithering over you like snakes in your clubs"

his eyes narrow, i grin.

"isn't that why you own 5 of them?"

"hmm. maybe," he begins, standing up and hovering over me.
"nothing like a fat plastic ass in my lap and some hennessy."

i punch his shoulder and he snickers.

his face is straight as he grabs my jaw.
"don't play with me naia, please"

i smile, he keeps his eyes on me.
weakness.

he kisses me sweetly, soft like
the way his hands migrate down my spine
and the gentle pull of my body into his.

like putty.
he's made me this way
infatuated

"naia" he calls but i'm occupied kissing on his cheek and then his jaw.
"i have to go to work"

i'd forgot it was a tuesday morning as i kissed over the ink in his neck.
"don't go"

i usually never admit when i want him to stay. this is new.
he snickers and grins with his eyes closed.

"i'll be back before you know it"

before i know it?
yeah right.

after work he went out with his friends
who goes to the club on a tuesday?

his publicity was enraged and called down my phone as if i could control him.

within every hour came more articles that covered his whereabouts and sightings with new women

i feel so embarrassed i could combust
i feel so embarrassed i could pack an overnight bag and take the benz to my friend ari's house.

she welcomes me with open arms and asks what's going on. i speak myself into tears— i lose my breath and stare up at the ceiling.

she consoles me as best as she can and tells me i can stay for as long as i wanted.

how long can i hold on?
for 3 years i've been involved in a lifestyle this chaotic with a man unaware of repercussion to his every action.
i've been involved in a lifestyle that challenges my trust as he goes out without my knowledge and leaves me to depend on social media to see what he's up to
to see if he's safe

to be slapped in the face
is hyuk kwon cheating on naia hendrix?

my face plastered
a shot of him and a bitch with orange hair on the street
a shot of him and her in his car
a shot of tequila and a few glasses of wine
kush smoke to the ceiling
i vent out every feeling till my
toes feel numb and there's nothing else to say
my head in blank with nothing but

that man before my eyes i photocopied 10
times.