People have asked me before what it's like to have an anxiety attack.
Well just imagine you're being held under water by a shark slowly eating away at your body.
Or your being held over the edge of a cliff by a rope attached to your ankle and at the bottom of the cliff is a huge pool of lava.
That's what an anxiety attack feels like.
You feel like there is no hope.
You feel alone.
You feel scared as all hell.
You feel trapped in your own brain that is throwing out a bunch of what ifs at you.
You're looking for even the smallest slightest rays of hope or bright sides.
But as soon as you find one your brain finds more what ifs to freak you out once more.
But then if your brain is fucked enough you just give up on the bright sides and the rays of hope.
You just start letting the attacks take you over.
You think to yourself and wonder if it would just be easier to end it all so you don't feel like your soul and your very being is just going to combust and explode.
When your friends are upset you freak out and ask them what's wrong.
If they don't tell you your brain starts throwing those what ifs at you and you start thinking that it's something that you did.
You end up hounding them and acting like you're crazy.
Well.
Maybe you are crazy.
I know I am.
I'm insane.
All I'm ever good for is freaking out and worrying about everything even if it isn't something I need to worry about.
And I just annoy people.
That's what I do.
Probably why over half of my friends don't talk to me anymore.
Maybe it's why I suck at helping my girlfriend.
Maybe that's why my friend won't tell me anything or why he wants to kill himself.
Maybe.
Maybe.
Maybe.
What if.
What if.
What if.
FREAK OUT
FREAK OUT
FREAK OUT
CRY
CRY
CRY
STOP CRYING YOU LITTLE BABY!
YOU'RE LETTING EVERYONE WHO NEEDS YOU DOWN BECAUSE YOU KEEP FLIPPING YOUR SHIT!!
EVERYTHING IS YOUR FUCKING FAULT BECAUSE YOU CAN'T GET YOUR FUCKING BRAIN STABLE ENOUGH TO TALK TO ANYONE ABOUT ANYTHING WITHOUT FLIPPING YOUR SHIT!
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?
WHY CAN'T YOU HELP M?!
WHY CAN'T YOU HELP T?!
WHY CAN'T TOU HELP V?!
WHY CAN'T YOU HELP ANY OF THEM?
WHY NOT YOU STUPID BITCH?
IS IT BECAUSE YOU'RE SO MENTALLY INSANE?
HELP YOUR GODDAMN GIRLFRIEND LIKE YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO!!!
Heh.
Overthinking is my special skill.
That's why I can't help them.
Sorry guys.
I'm so so sorry my friends.
I'm to good at failing to help you.
I'm sorry to you M most of all.
I'm not good enough for you.
You're my love.
My one and only.
And I can't make you feel better when your sad.
Sorry.
