It kind of feels like a light switch that a five year old is sitting there switching on and off at random times.
It feels like throughout your day you find yourself in a happy place and a relaxed state, you're out to get some coffee and you're drinking it. All of the sudden out of nowhere someone trips you and you spill it all over the place.
Imagine that every day.
I'll hang out with my girlfriend and she will be hugging and cuddling me and I'll be happy.
But then out of no where I feel this deep and dark shadow creep into my mind.
My thoughts.
And I'll start crying in front of her out of nowhere.
She probably thinks that I'm a fucking nut job.
I don't mind though.
I am a fucking nut job.
WHY THE HELL CAN I NOT BE NORMAL!!!!!
I ask myself that everyday when I'm thinking about all of the certain mood swings I have.
I hate when my emotions just out of nowhere switches from happy and fine to upset and depressed to the point where I want to kill myself.
I try to avoid being upset around the people I love because I don't want to burden them. Sometimes I will act happy around them so I don't bring them down with me.
Also there is one person in my family who knows I'm gay. He lives in Texas.
So I have to lie to them everyday.
It's hard and all my straight friends who don't get it say, "don't be a pussy...just come out already!!"
They don't get it.
THEY DON'T FUCKING GET IT
THEY DON'T HAVE TO FUCKING SAY TWO WORDS TO THEIR PARENTS THAT WILL CHANGE EVERY ASPECT OF THEIR LIVES.
Fuck them.
FUCK EVERYONE
THEY CANT JUST TELL ME TO SUCK IT UP AND DEAL WITH IT WITH SOMETHING THAT THEY DO NOT HAVE TO GO THROUGH OR EXPERIENCE.
THAT IS NOT WHAT IM ASKING FOR. I'm asking for support.
DAMNIT!!!!
FUCK!!!
I'm sick of my switch being turned on and off uncontrollably.
Sorry to everyone.
Sorry T.
I can't help you with your issues right.
Sorry M.
You're my love and when your upset I never help you right. You need to be listened to way more than me. Sorry I'm an attention whore.
Sorry G.
I can't help you either. Sorry.
Sorry to all of you.
You deserve better.
