If You Can't Be With the One You Love

A Hesitant RSVP

Barry stood at the door way and turned to face Oliver. He was pouring tequila into a glass as Barry said his parting words. "Whatever you're dealing with, there's a better way to cope."

Oliver couldn't look him in the eyes. He kept his line of vision away from Barry as he downed the glass in one go. He took a deep breath before speaking, his words coming out lacking emotion. "You have no idea."

And then Barry was gone. Oliver felt the hurt and anger rise up in him immediately once he realized he was alone in his bedroom again. The pain that was once numbed made a reappearance as Oliver was reminded of every emotion  and sentiment he had towards Barry. He poured another glass and devoured it in less than a minute.

He wanted nothing more than the hurt to go away. The thought of Barry Allen sent him to a bottle. Oliver always believed that Barry brought out the best in him. He opened up the hopeful side in him. He shined a light into his darkness.

Barry has always claimed to have admired Oliver. Even before he became the hero known as "The Flash," Barry was inspired by the work of The Arrow. He was the first to make Oliver feel like a hero. Barry has prided Oliver in playing a part in his rise to heroism, but what he doesn't know is how much Barry has inspired him.

Oliver looks into his eyes and sees a better version of himself. He sees the man he could have become had he had not been so tainted by his past. It's almost as if every time Barry walked into his life, a light radiated everywhere he went.

Things changed when Barry got engaged. His smile wasn't as bright when he looked at him. His eyes did not shine like they once did. Every conversation between them lacked the fire that burned every word they would speak.

"So you and Iris?" Oliver asks, walking alongside Barry at a coffee shop.

"I uh, I asked her to marry me last week," Barry replied, taking his mocha from the barista. "She said yes."

Oliver let out a forced grin. He glanced down at the floor beneath him before bringing his eyes back to Barry. "Did you expect a different answer?"

"Well, no but-" Barry stopped himself, looking down at his drink. The two men take a seat at a nearby table to continue their conversation.

"But what?" Oliver adds, his tone with a subtle hint of inquisition.

Barry fiddles with the flap on the lid of the coffee cup. "Just nervous, you know?"

"That's too be expected," Oliver responds."It's a big step."

"A step you and Felicity may take in the future?" Barry raises an eyebrow at Oliver. Oliver answers with a laugh and the shake of the head.

"No." Oliver states firmly. "Not for a while." Barry lets out a soft smile after Oliver answers, drawing out a breathy giggle from Oliver. They sit in silence for a few seconds, letting the moment stay around for a while.

Barry clears his throat before checking his phone. "This is Iris. I've got to go. Let's do this again? Next week?"

Oliver's smile fades into an emotionless smirk. "Just tell me when."

Barry smiles before rushing out of the coffee shop, leaving Oliver to sit alone and wallow in the conversation that just took place. The minute Barry said that he said that he had asked Iris to marry him, he felt this dull, throbbing pain in his chest. It felt as if his heart had fallen to his stomach.

He left the coffee shop and walked to the nearest bar. He ordered four shots of vodka and downed them in less than a minute. He spent the next hour finishing a pint of beer as well as a glass of whiskey.

He left the bar drunk, calling a cab to take him back to his home. After the high went away, he found himself drinking a bottle of wine from the bottle, downing it an hour.

This was the point of no return for Oliver.

"Oliver!"

He jumps at the sound of Laurel's voice. As opens his eyes, he sees her hovering over him with a look of disappointment. "Did you have enough to drink last night?"

"How did you get in here?" Oliver asks groggily as he pulls himself up, halfway sitting up on his bed.

Laurel holds up a key between her fingers. "You're terrible at hiding your spare."

"Why are you here?" Oliver asks sternly.

"I'm here to make sure your ass is on a plane to Central City in two hours," she replies. She holds her hand out to help Oliver out of bed. He reluctantly takes it as she pulls him up.

Dizziness takes over as he tries to stand up. He grips Laurel's hand tighter as she supports him while he gains footing.

"You can't keep living like this, Ollie." Laurel says, watching Oliver throw on a hoodie over his bare body. "Why have you been hitting the bottles so hard?"

"It numbs the pain of regret," Oliver begins. "I live with too much of it."

Laurel throws a duffel bag onto Oliver's bed. She begins to go through his drawers. "You mean Felicity?"

Oliver sighs as he walks towards Laurel to air her in packing. "No."

"Then what regret are you-"

Laurel stops talking as Oliver takes an envelope from his drawer. It is addressed to him. He rips the seal and pulls out a photo print with a picture of Barry and Iris. Beneath the photo rests a date. He looks at Laurel with solemn.

"Oliver." Laurel's sympathy is immediate. "It's Barry isn't it?"

Oliver purses his lips. He sits on the bed, his demeanor only becoming more defeated. "I cant watch it happen, Laurel. I cant."

He lays back into the mattress, his hands covering his face. Laurel joins him, wrapping her arms around his torso. She rests her head on his chest. "Then don't let it happen."

"That's not plausible." Oliver replies, the pain in his chest only getting worse as he speaks. He puts his arm around Laurel. "I'm not sabotaging his wedding day."

Laurel rubs his chest soothingly. "I didn't even know you were, you know, into guys."

"Neither did I," Oliver laughs. "Until I met Barry. He was different from any person I'd ever met."

"Thanks, Ollie." Laurel jokes. "Wait to make a girl feel special.

Oliver looks at Laurel with a grin. He strokes her shoulder gently. "You were special. Still are."

"But I'm not him," Laurel tells him, a smile creeping on her face as she sits up. "And that's okay."

"You need to tell him how you feel."

Oliver nods at Laurel, simply to acknowledge her words. He knows it's foolish to even consider opening up to Barry about this. He is more than happy with the trajectory of his life. He is marrying the love of his life. It would be selfish of Oliver to intervene.

Another layer of regret would soon be added onto the tower that already existed inside of him. He allowed an opportunity to quickly pass in front of him in the form of a man. A man who he quite possibly felt as if he could have spent the rest of his life with. Yet he never spoke up. He never said a word.

Accepting this was the sole culprit of Oliver's dive into the pool of self-pity and the cabinets full of alcohol. A pool that he had fallen so deep into, he couldn't see a way out.