Fɪɴᴅɪɴɢ Hᴏᴘᴇ [Bᴏᴏᴋ 1] | 𝙏𝙤𝙙𝙤𝙧𝙤𝙠𝙞 𝙎𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩𝙤 𝙓 𝙊𝘾

04

She's always on my mind and I'm starting to hate it.

At school, everytime the teacher calls out for me to answer a question, I'm always in a blur. Then, I would get scold at for spacing out in class. Sometimes even during training, which is worse.

" Get your shit together, Shouto! " My old man would yell and I growl in response. I clench my fist and punch the air as hard as I can.

" Steadier! "

I pull back my fist and throw another one.

" Again! "

I pull again and throw another. Over and over until he's satisfied. After training, I shower and do my homework. I couldn't help but remember her scent; flowers. Her eyes that show hatred and her cold glares. Oh, how I would love to change the look of her eyes.

My palm makes a flat contact with the table, resulting a loud thud. My mind keeps repeating the same thing, like a song was on repeat; I hate this, I hate this, I hate this, I hate this! Get out of my head, you damn kid!

My bedroom door creaks open and my sister is there. " Shouto. Is everything alright? " Her tone is concern. " I just heard a loud noise coming from here. "

" Oh. That was me. My book fell off the table, " I lie, looking as stoic as ever.

" Oh, okay. " With that, she closes the door and leaves me. I close my eyes and the image of Kyryran comes. I snap back open and face my notebook. My frustration grows more until I unconsciously blame my sister. She was the one who started this. It was her favour. The favour I agreed.

Yet again, it's my fault too. I offered to help her the next day. And that's when it got worse. My feelings and emotions that I've never felt before mixed around in my head. I sigh deeply and shake my head. I continue doing my homework as I use every last of my energy to forget about her and focus on my studies.

When I finish my homework, I go straight to bed but I let her image come again. I think about her. Her small figure, her long hair, her mismatched eyes, her clothes.

Her clothes . . . Now I just realized, she wore oversized hoodies and shorts. She doesn't wear rich-girl dresses.

Snap out of it! You only seen her two days only. You still don't know much about her.

And that's what I want to do. I want to get to know her better. Even if we can't be friends, I'd like to know what she's like. Like, how her tone and voice becomes gentler and softer when she asks me questions. I close my eyes and let out another sigh.

Today, I didn't teach her because I didn't want to make it look obvious that I had been offering my sister to help her. In secret, I only want to see her. I wonder if she's thrilled to see my sister came and not me. She probably is. An unknown feeling is present so sudden. A feeling of envious resentment of my sister.

But I'm too tired to deal with my own ridiculousness. Slowly, darkness seeps in and blinds me whole. Dreams start to play in my mind and I feel so peaceful for once.

—

Days have passed and my sister sometimes give smirking glances at me. I ask if she was up to something, to which she replies without any seriousness.

" Oh nothing~ " she sing songs. It makes me feel more uncomfortable and being more cautious towards her, wondering if she is pulling a prank.

Anyways, the important thing is my problem with having thoughts of her had slowly died down and I'm starting to forget about her. Maybe I feel that way because I haven't seen her for a long time.