A Recipe for Disaster | L.S.

seven

Warning: this chapter contains a character having a panic attack. Please do not read if it triggers you or makes you uncomfortable.

Please note: although I've suffered from anxiety and major clinical depression, I've never experienced an anxiety or panic attack. I tried my best to describe the feeling from what I've heard, and I hope it's a good representation. Nevertheless, I'd be more than happy to learn if there's any way I can improve my description, so please feel free to correct me if I got anything wrong or inaccurate.

Mental illness is not a joke. Please, seek professional help, talk to a friend or a family member you feel comfortable enough with. My dms are always open.

Stay strong and don't let it win.

•  •  •

A loud knock jolted us from our sleepy state.

"Are you boys done in there?"

Shit.

Louis stared at me in horror, making me burst in a fit of giggles.

"Ahm, yeah, Paul, out in a minute." I called out, stifling my laughter.

"Fuck." He muttered, wriggling to get out of underneath me.

I rolled to the side, and he bolted off the couch, scrambling for his clothes.

Oh no, is he regretting it?? What if I forced myself onto him?! What if he felt pressured into it?!

The smile melted off my face, and I began hyperventilating, panic clouding my senses.

I knew in my head that he'd enjoyed it, wanted it, and did it all willingly, but I couldn't help thinking that I...

Oh, no. No, nononono...

"Harry! Harry!" His voice sounded so far away, and I can vaguely recall him shaking me lightly. "Why are apologizing? What's wrong? Harry, please!"

Even though I heard his words, I was in no state to comprehend them.

I. Can't. Breathe.

Someone else did, though, and the next thing I knew, a pair of strong arms, definitely not Louis', wrapped me in a tight embrace. His warmth surrounded me, and only then did I realize I'd brought my knees up to my chest.

"You're okay, darling, you're safe." He whispered calmly in my ear, before encouraging me to breathe with him.

I took in big gulps of air, the feeling of drowning slowly fading away as my breathing grew steadier.

"Good job, Harry. There you go..."

I felt a soft tissue wiping away my tears and snot, and the thought of me, ugly crying and embarrassing myself in front of Louis, nearly sent me into another panic attack.

However, Paul's familiar, calming presence helped me stay grounded, and a few minutes later, although it felt like hours, I was finally ready to reopen my eyes and face the situation.

The first thing I saw was Paul's buff frame keeping me in a protective hold, a worried look in his warm eyes.

"I'm okay," I assured with a weak smile, "I'm okay."

"We should go." He stated, glaring behind me for a moment.

I looked over there, and found Louis, looking worried and absolutely terrified, now wearing his breifs and clutching a new bottle of water.

"No, I... we should talk." I said, looking at Louis hopefully.

Hopefully, because he was still there, looking concerned, despite barely knowing me at all.

Granted, I was in his shop, and I did go into a panic attack right after fooling around with him, but, still... it felt like he actually cared.

"I don't feel comfortable leaving you alone with him, Harry." He stated bluntly.

"I didn't-- I'm not... I didn't mean to..." Louis stuttered helplessly, voice cracking.

"It wasn't your fault, Louis, I swear. Just my stupid brain trying to make me suffer." It was a joke, but nobody laughed.

Mission Lightening Up the Mood: Unsuccessful.

"Just go, Paul. I'll be fine." I repeated, pushing him away gently.

"Fine," he agreed, albeit begrudgingly, "but I'm helping you get dressed, first."

Oh, right. Still naked.

I nodded, cheeks aflame, and let him guide me back into my breifs and t-shirt.

"Jeans?" He asked, looking around.

"I-I'll get them, but we still need to treat your tattoo, Harry."

"You haven't--?!" Paul stopped himself from yelling, to which I was grateful. I didn't want Louis feeling even worse, when I was the one who insisted on doing it later. "Alright, I'm going. But I'll be right outside that door, Tomlinson!"

We both flinched as the door slammed behind him. Louis silently handed me the water, not meeting his eyes.

"Louis..." I whispered, taking the water, but he wouldn't meet my gaze.

"We should take care of your tattoo." He stated, walking back to his work station. I sighed and tried getting up, but he was back in front of me in a flash.

"No! I mean," he cleared his throat, "you should, umm, rest, yeah?"

I nodded glumly. At least I was fairly certain he wouldn't expose my sexuality and mental condition. I would've been in all sorts of shit with my management if he were to do so.

"I'm sorry you had to see that." I mumbled once he returned, looking down at my fiddling fingers.

"No need to apologize, Harry," he replied softly, "it's not your fault. Did anything I do trigger it?" He asked cautiously, and I sighed.

"Kind of." I told him, and realized a second later that maybe I shouldn't have. "But it's not your fault! Just..." I sighed, trying to collect my thoughts, "I thought I maybe pressured you into... y'know."

"Because I panicked right after...?" Realization dawned on him. "Shit, I'm so sorry. I thought that maybe I went a little overboard, and wanted to give you some space. I get kind of intense during... yeah."

"So you don't hate me?" I asked, blushing like the idiot I was.

"Hate you?! This was the best hookup I've ever had, and we didn't even have sex!"

I giggled, feeling incredibly relieved.

"You weren't too bad, either." I joked. "I really should go now, though..."

"Right. Let's wrap you up."

After taking care of the tattoo and reminding me the importance of aftercare, we left his studio.

We were about to have our photo taken by Paul, when Niall showed up.

"Umm, where are your trousers?" He asked. "And is that a thigh tattoo?! That's--"

"Enough, Niall. That's enough." Louis scolded him, and the Irish boy blushed deeply, mumbling an apology.

"It's okay," I laughed, "guess I forgot."

"How do you forget your trousers?" The blond laughed.

I just shrugged, chuckling, and went back to the studio to where I left them.

•  •  •

I was really nervous about writing this... I hope I did okay.

Vote/comment/share if you enjoyed?

xx Red