Blade Song

Chapter 17-Scars

As soon as Emi excused herself after leading us to the hot spring, I immediately regretted my decision. It had somehow slipped my mind that to bathe you have to be naked, something I was entirely uncomfortable doing. I hadn't been naked in front of anyone in six years.

The other women started to undress, leaving their clothes on the shelves provided near the entrance to the hot spring, grabbing cloths to wash themselves, and pins to put their hair up as they continued in. I couldn't help but notice that most of them were fair skinned, with hardly a blemish on them, although a few did have marks from their recent lives as slaves.

Aside from how completely vulnerable being nude makes you feel, I knew my body didn't look a thing like theirs. My life had been full of scars, raised ones, smooth ones, red, white, thin, thick, I had them all. Some of them had vivid memories attached to them. So much so that I could still feel the sting of the blade or the burn of the fire if I thought about it. Others, I couldn't remember a thing about. After you get so many, sometimes one more scar is just that, one more.

"You alright, Aki?" Hitomi had been undressing slowly, waiting for me.

I hadn't even started yet.

"Fine," I said. "Just a little nervous."

She smiled gently. "Don't be. No one here would hurt or judge you."

I couldn't help but laugh a little. Was I really that transparent? She was right, of course. Maybe my scars were more visible than most, but the women here had plenty of their own, even if I couldn't see them.

I took a deep breath and started to untie my shirt. I tried to move fast so I wouldn't second guess myself, and pretty soon I was standing there completely exposed. It was taking a hell of a lot of effort not to cover myself, but I somehow managed it.

My eyes caught Hitomi's lingering stare.

"Sorry." She looked down and jammed a wooden pin into her hair. "That was very rude."

"It's alright." I gave an exaggerated sigh. "Sometimes it's hard to look this good."

She looked back up, caught my grin, and giggled. "Come on. We can wash each other's backs."

I nodded and followed her further in. Laid out before the actual hot spring, was a stone floor lined on each side with a bamboo grate. Wooden buckets were littered around the room to fill from the larger water basins in the center.

Hitomi dunked a spare bucket into the basin while I found a couple of empty stools. Most women had paired off to help wash each other and the room was full of happy chatter and laughter. I noticed Yoshiko was paired off with Mei and had wrapped herself loosely in a towel. Clever. I wish I'd thought of it.

Hitomi and I both took an empty stool and started to scrub the places we could reach. The water was cold against my bare skin and the night air coming in from the hot spring opening wasn't exactly helpful. I'd put up with a few goosebumps, though, betting it would make that spring water feel even better.

"Let me get your back." Hitomi soaked her cloth in fresh water and knelt behind me.

I did my best to keep my breath even and not shy away from her touch. She was being far too gentle already. Her hands paused suddenly as the cloth swept over my right shoulder blade. She didn't have to say why. I knew exactly. The scar there contained my earliest memory. Masahiko's name carved into flesh. I could still feel the sharp knife slicing into my skin, the deliberately slow curve of the blade.

The ritual that resulted in that large, risen, white scar served two lessons. The first was obedience. I was not restrained while he carved, but I was ordered to sit still. I learned very quickly that movement meant more pain, more cuts to places other than my shoulder. To obey is to suffer. To disobey is to increase and prolong this suffering.