'1963 (BWWM)

Chapter 15- Tea and Apologies

{Tyler}

*A FEW DAYS LATER*

; I paced back and forth in my room, playing the same statements over and over in my head again.

"You just a plain 'ole hypocrite."

"Do you think you're better than us?"

"Or maybe you forgot that you're black."

"Remember what you're always gonna be to them..."

I shook my head in denial as if I was responding to the statements.

No one has ever spoken to me the way she has. I couldn't believe she thought of me as a hypocrite. I never thought I was better than anyone... I never forgot who I was. At least, I don't think I have.

I never really thought about it until now. I never had to think about it.

No one ever called me out in this way before. I tightened my fists in frustration, how could I be a hypocrite?

All I could think about these past few days was what Jacqueline said to me, and how it could possibly be true. Even when my parents came home last night, behind my joy and gratefulness of them making it home safely... her accusations were all I could think about.

Then it dawned upon me... was this how everyone thought of me?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Holding my lunch tray, I look around the cafeteria. Even though Riverview High was supposed to be "integrated", the cafeteria never ceases to be segregated, every day.  The blacks always claimed the bottom left half, while the rest of the room is filled with whites. I never understood why it had to be this way, why couldn't we all just get along?

I sigh, looking over at the small fraction of blacks in the cafeteria, spotting Jacqueline sitting with her friend Kimberly and others. I wasn't sure if I should go over and apologize to her, or if I was the one that was owed an apology.

I mean, I'm not the one that just went on an angry rant and dragged somebody for all they're worth.

"Hey, Tyler! Over here!" I hear a voice emerge from the center of the cafeteria.

I didn't even have to make eye contact with the voice to know it was from Andrew. He was waving me over, sitting beside him was Danny and John, along with Mary Anne and three other girls I didn't know, leaning all over Danny, John, and Andrew.

I cringe at the internal battle going on within myself, did I even really wanna sit with them? Before I could even answer that question, I was put into a playful headlock as Andrew rummaged his fist through my hair.

"Cmon Tyler!" He said leading me toward their table and releasing me from the headlock. I put my tray on the table and took a seat, fixing my hair by running my fingers through it, kissing my teeth at Andrew for messing it up in the first place. 

Danny and John greeted me shortly, before going leaning back into conversation with the two blonde-haired girls as they giggled and batted their eyelashes.  Andrew smirked at me before going back to entertain some brunette.

I shook my head, not amused. I picked up my spoon, scooping up some chocolate pudding that I've been waiting on since the first bell. Literally, right before I was able to put the spoon in my mouth, Mary Anne inched closer to me, showing all 32 of her slightly yellowed teeth. I cringed in disgust, trying to mask my facial expression.

"Hey Tyler!" she says, as I give her a dry "hi" in response. In all honesty, I had no interest in Mary Anne and I never would. She was the type of girl I would never bring home to my folks, but knowing my grandpa he would probably love her. The way she treated us negros, was an absolute turn off and I never understood why she always attempted to flirt with me knowing who I was.