Detox Just to Retox

I'm In Love With My Own Sins

11:57 am

I waved goodbye to House and caught him winking at Wilson.

"Are you another one of Houses fellows?" I looked to my side where he was walking and realized he was much taller than I thought.

"No, actually, I'm the head of oncology."

I was in awe. He was so young.

"Wow... That's really impressive... How'd you meet House then? He doesn't seem like the guy everyone would flock too."

"I met him at a medical conference... He bailed me out of jail."

I stopped in my tracks.

"... You've been in jail?!"

"I threw a bottle at an antique mirror. And hit another doctor."

He looked at me smiling.

"Never thought I'd be the jail bird type huh?"

I shook my head and started walking again.

12:13 pm

We got to the café and when we entered it two gay men greeted us and took our coats. Wilson thanked them and we took our table. I looked over the menu. Everything looked so good. A soggy shoe would taste better than Rose's cooking.

"Hello! My name is Katie. I'll be your server today. Can I get you anything to drink?"

"I'll have a hot cup of coffee with cream." Wilson said and went back to looking at the menu.

"I'll have a cup of Earl Grey tea please." I smiled at her. She looked happy.

"Certainly! I'll get that out right away!"

She brought out our drinks and asked our lunch order.

"I'll have the grilled chicken with mashed potatoes." The oncologist handed the waitress his menu then took a sip of his own coffee.

"Can I have the poached butter duck and rosemary fries?"

"Of course!"

She left and Wilson looked up at me.

"Tell me about your anxiety."

"Do you really want to know?"

He nodded and waited silently. I took a deep breath.

"It starts from nowhere. It crawls up your throat- searing pain. You feel your brain go into over drive. Your stomach falls into a pit. Nerves are pulsing. Heart running ten million miles an hour. It's like cocaine except there's no euphoria. You sink into despair. Your lungs feel full of ash. And the best part? You can't let anyone see."

Wilson sat there- insisting I continued.

"You're forced to take countless pills that not even most doctors can pronounce. They put you in a drug haze. Glassy eyes, cloudy mind. You're not happy and you're not sad. You just barely function. Some turn to alcohol. Some to more drugs. But it's always there. Waiting. Waiting to crawl back up and make you into a puddle of zero confidence and a shriveled up shell of a human being... Surprisingly, an illness that makes you so fixated on keeping yourself alive, kills you slowly one pill at a time. And in some cases- all at once." I took a sip of my tea and looked up at Wilson. I can't put his expression into words but it was a mix of distress, sympathy, and a hint of lust. What an interesting cocktail of emotions. He was an oncologist- my illness shouldn't surprise him. Compared to cancer it was a mild cold. After a while of silence and processing, our food came. And, ah, the smell was so enticing. A few bites in and I knew- this was my new favorite dish. Wilson was trying to stiffen a laugh because I probably looked ridiculous. But damn! It was so good! We talked about the hospital and how it works and especially how House worked.