A Blissful Catastrophe

Chapter 1

Chapter 1 | Muerte

"So hindi ka talaga makakasama ngayon?" Judy asked on the other line. Hindi ako makasagot at pinakinggan ko lang lahat ng sinasabi niya sa kabilang linya. She paused and sighed, "Okay, pagaling ka nalang muna Jade. Hindi ka pa tapos sa editing ng short film natin."

She hanged up...

I placed my phone at the side of my pillow. I can now say that I am cursed because of this unexpected crap. I want to hang out with them and watch them scream in terror inside the horror booth but sadly, the ulcer showed up and made me suffer for three days until today.

I'm not that type of gal who gets easily scared by people dressed as monsters and unholy bullshits inside the horror booth. But right now, I'm really upset because I can't go in there, maybe because I am hooked into Rad's convincing customer talks or because I just like to go inside again to calm myself.

The last booth was a wreck and I think nakilala na ako ng isa sa mga taong nagbalat-kayong demonyo sa loob. He thinks that he can scare the hell out of me by grabbing me by the leg but hell, I just stared at him blankly as he keep on pulling my leg.

I stared at the ceiling as I ask myself about when I can be free from pain. I've been carrying this bullshit for seven years and I don't know how to get away from it. I raised my right arm and stared at the freshly cut wound near my pulse. Damn, I'm a total wreck.

Nobody knows how much it hurts for me, and I can't figure out what the hell is wrong with myself. All I know is that shit haunt me for years and all I did is to cut myself so I can have a good night sleep. But as I cut myself, I also have this feeling of satisfaction whenever I see the blood on my wrist and that made me want more for it gave me the urge to cut my flesh all over again.

—x—

After three days of sitting in front of my laptop, I finally sighed in relief after I finished editing our short film. This will be ready for Monday and I can't wait to see their reactions once they watched our film.

I copied the file in my SD card and in my flash drive, just in case kapag nagloko ang laptop ko, may backup files pa kami at hindi masasayang lahat ng efforts namin para magawa lang ang short film.

The next day, pinasa na namin ang short film sa teacher namin and after that, I just stayed in our classroom while listening to some depressing songs that suits my mood. I'm not heartbroken or such but heck, seeing Johann happy with somebody else adds up on my anxiety.

Yes, I liked him but he is not aware about it. He thought that all I did for him is just a friendly gesture when in fact it is my way on how to get close to him and to get his attention. Everyone can call me as an attention-seeking bitch but that's what we all do when we like someone—we tend to help them and give them our affection in a silent way that no one could ever notice.

I have no plans about confessing my feelings for him. I am afraid about what he'll react once he'll know that I liked him and I don't see him as my friend; and I don't want to ruin our friendship just because of my feelings. I'm not selfish, I'm just afraid that he'll stay away from me like what others did. It's just... it hurts.

"Uy, Jade!" tawag sa'kin ni Rad. "Picture tayo, sun-kissed!" He grabbed me by the arm and take pictures of us under the burning afternoon daylight. It took us thirty minutes to finish taking pictures and for a normal people like me who rarely take pictures of myself, it's so ridiculous. But for a selfie queen like Rad, it's just a typical way of taking a selfie.

He checked our pics and almost cringe after seeing one of the pics that he had taken with me. My eyebrows furrowed, our pose is okay and there's nothing wrong with our faces—except for me who's been using my serious look as always. I rolled my eyes after I figure out why my bitch friend's gonna puke neon green blood—it's because of the intensive light kissing my whole face making me look like I am ready to be taken by heaven.

"Ekis na 'to sa'kin, ew!" He seems disgusted by the pic and even deletes it.

"It's a good pic, why do you have to erase it from your gallery?" I asked stubbornly.

He looked at me and I can see how disgusted he is because of the expression painted all over his face. Kulang nalang maging si Shrek na siya dahil nagmumukha na rin siyang green ogre dahil sa pandidiri niya sa selfie namin.

"Girl, it's not a good pic!" He said. "Maganda ba 'yung parang kukuhanin kana ng langit?!"

I crossed my arms and give him a smirk, "So what if I looked like I am dying? Do'n naman talaga ako mapupunta. Life is a story and death would be its end and we can't do anything about it when the skeleton bitch dressed in black cloak will come for us and tell us—especially me—that he will take my soul tomorrow."

His disgusted look changed. Right now, it is full of concerns and maybe it's all about what I said.

"Jade, you're not gonna attempt to kill yourself again right?"

I remained silent. I don't know what to say and guilt was slowly consuming me.

"You said that you won't hurt us then why is it that you're back on being this suicidal bitch that keeps on talking about death and dying?" He said as tears start to form in his chestnut brown eyes. "Talking about dying hurt me, Jade. Kaibigan mo ako and I don't want you to suffer from the pain. I know you have problems and something is bugging you and the best solution to make it stop is by telling me about it. Kaibigan mo ako Jade, and I care for you."

I can't stand the look in his face so I immediately take my backpack and walked out of the room. I feel heavy, I can feel the pain inside my chest as if my heart was squeezed into a pulp. Guilt was all over my system and I just wished that I don't say those things in front of Rad.

And yes, he is my friend. But my anxiety keeps on convincing me that I don't have friends and I will be forever alone.

End of chapter 1 | thank you for reading <3