Beyond the Stage

Chapter 1

The wind outside was picking up and bright and yellow leaves rustled to its tunes. I felt my body shiver a little so I decided to get up and go down the stairs of the roof. I had the fourth cup of coffee in my hand for the day. I was taking a break as I had been copped up in my studio for hours editing my new tracks and writing the lyrics to them. I loved being an "artist" but sometimes it was the most frustrating job in the world. There was no sense of constant stability and your schedule is never the same. You're constantly anxious of how your performances and works will be received by the public, domestically and internationally. And you have to watch your behaviors wherever you go because you worked in a hyper-polarized bubble. Sometimes people really despised your success, so they made threats to kill you and your close ones. It was hard to trust the words of those around you because you knew they wanted to create a rift in your career.

As an artist, I created relatable works for others. And in this process, I  found myself and my identity. This was who I am and this is what I would do. I am proud of that.

Since I was pretty established in the industry, I have a whole amount of pressure on me to do well since the company is investing so much money into my projects. Years ago, our company was really small and unestablished.

We were a nugu group from a nugu company.

Even though our producer is well known,  it took the company a long time to get to this current position including myself. We've all worked hard and are still working endlessly.

Comeback after comeback. Album after album. Solo songs and mixtapes. Concerts and tours.

We've toured in so many cities around the world but have barely gotten a chance to explore them. The musical group I am part of is the breadwinner for this place and I am its leader. I wasn't the center of attention but it's my job to keep the members focused and on track.

I felt honored for the company's support, am grateful for the members and fans. I want to do well and I don't want to let my fans down. But sometimes I needed some space for myself and detachment from others. I didn't want to smile in front of the cameras or re-listen to the same backing track a million times now. Recently, I had been out of it, mood-wise. I know I'm a sensitive individual but I've been too unattached  from everything lately. This was not a sincere side of me and I couldn't show this to the fans and close ones that loved me.

I needed some time for myself.

I needed some time to myself so I could collect my thoughts and my life. I felt like somewhere along the lines, I just forgot so many things, trapped in this hectic environment. I didn't want to lose my connection to this world, the one that was beyond the stage.