Beyond the Stage

Chapter 2

I think sometimes it's very difficult to separate my identities from one another. Especially because we perform so much and become too engrossed in our work. Sometimes I forget I'm Kim Namjoon too and not just RM. I'm a human being who has feelings and blood running through my veins just like the person next to me. After being in show biz for so long, I've become too conditioned to controlling the way I act and being overly worried. It's an occupational illness I've gained over the years.

I'm 24. Already. Life goes by so fast but I've been spent most of my time being anxious about something I don't even know. The future.

I want to be honest with myself and others. I want to be real.

As I decided that I needed some time for myself, I thought this was the best time to ask for it. We had just finished our world tour and concerts in Japan. After the annual award shows and concert at Hong Kong at the end of this month, it would be a good time to take a break. I'm sure PD-nim wouldn't have an issue with it. And the members would be fine with it too. I didn't want to inconvenience them in anyway. That's not right and they don't deserve any of that. Most of them are doing solo activities so they need their full concentration. This was what they dreamt of doing and it's coming true. Sure we were really successful as a group but I remembered the satisfaction I got when I went solo with my mixtape. It was a great feeling to be expressing myself as an individual entity and not just as a member of a group. Although both are great and needed.

Three Days Later...

I knocked in PD-nim's office and I was told to come in.

"PD-nim"
"Oh RM, what's going on? Why are you suddenly here?"
"PD-nim, I need something"
"What do you need, tell me. I'm getting scared. Is there something wrong?"

As I hesitated to speak, I finally mustered up the courage to say:
"PD-nim, I want to rest for three months."

"Suddenly?"

"Yes"

"Namjoon-ah, are you alright? I can have your schedule cleared for a week or two right away."

"PD-nim, I'm fine. I just want to rest and get some inspiration to write some songs. It's nothing immediate and I am asking for some time off after the end of this month."

"Till when?"

"Till the end of March"

"It's hard right? You are working hard. I understand. It's not a problem and you can have your break starting after the New Years' Day. If you need anything, let me know. "

"Thank you so much PD-nim" as I said bowing.

"No problem. Go quickly to your next schedule as he looked at his watch. You will be late" he said smiling.

I breathed a sigh of relief. PD-nim took the news better than he had expected. Although I didn't think there would be too much of a problem, I was expecting some tension and a lecture. But I guess he knows I don't need those things anymore because I understood my responsibilities well.