The Blog I'll Never Write (Completed)

Chapter Seven

My mom just called me to let me know that Zach is doing fine and he's going to go back to school soon, how I miss him. It's still early in the morning, there's still a couple of hours to spare. I opened my windows to let a little bit of light enter my room, I was about to do it when I realize that I haven't opened my windows since the time where I can't even remember.

 As if it was fated when I opened my windows and I saw a topless Ross standing beside his windows that is exactly facing mine. I was stunned for a moment, not until when he smirked at me, how can he look that handsome this early in the morning.

It was then when I realized that I haven't even combed my hair nor checked my face in the mirror. I hurried to my bathroom and looked at myself closely to the mirror, I look decent. Well, not as decent as Ross looks, but at least, decent.

#

I just finished getting ready for school when I heard a car honking outside of my house. I hurried downstairs while bringing my bag, I saw Ross' car parked outside. I got out from the metal gate that became a barrier between us. Slowly, he moved his windows down and removed his glasses, just like how the movie does it. "Sorry, was the sun glasses a little bit too much?" He said, I giggled.

"Not really, are you taking me to school?"

I asked while going to the front seat, he haven't said anything yet when I entered his car. "Jamie, have I already mentioned to you how you changed?"

"No, not until now."

I said and smiled, I don't know how, but I can also say it, I changed. I don't know what triggered me to do so but I did. I know that I did.

#

I was walking the hallway alone, I left Ross while he still parks his car. I stopped by Ms Levin's room—my English teacher. "Good Morning, Ms Levin. I am here to return your book to you, my review about it is already pinned under a page there, well I made a review every chapter and that is pinned every chapter, it was a good story." Ms Levin didn't say anything for a second. "You're Jamie?" I nodded as a reply.

"I'm so sorry, it's just that you looked so different from what you looked like then, has anyone told you that you changed a lot?"

"Yeah, somebody already did."

I said and asked her that I'll be going already, I lied, I didn't want to leave that early. I honestly wanted to talk more about the book and how much I expected the end to turn out like it, after all, it's John Green's signature in writing. It's just that nothing can defeat his story "Will Grayson, Will Grayson" in my heart.

"Maybe, there's something you're afraid to say, or someone you're afraid to love, or somewhere you're afraid to go. It's gonna hurt. It's gonna hurt because it matters." It's a quote from that book I really love. I am afraid to admit it, but I know deep inside, I am afraid to say that I am trying to pretend to be okay after everything, and I just want to say how hard life has been, on how I want to be loved just how much I give love. I am afraid to love, I am afraid to open my heart to love someone, I wanted to go to the hospital every second of the day but I'm afraid to, I am afraid of seeing my mom and afraid of seeing Zach laying on the bed there and I can't even do anything to make him feel better. And it hurts; it hurts so much because they matter, my feelings matter, Zach matters.

#

I am now in my Chemistry class, my teacher decided that I should be Ross' partner since his partner is also not around. I used to be really good at this but I got a little sensitive halfway when Ross poured too much water on the experiment. "You just messed everything up!" I exclaimed, making the rest of my classmates to look at us, even our Chemistry teacher, Ms Crawford. "What's wrong, Jamie?" She asked while walking towards us. "It's just that Ross added too much ratio of water." I said, trying to calm myself. "It's fine, we can still fix it though, you don't need to raise your voice up Ms Taylor, I know that in our classes this has been the first time that you messed an experiment up, You and Zach was too good to always get everything in one try."

I couldn't say anything; once again here I am—thinking about Zach.

"You changed a lot, Jamie."

Ms Crawford said that made me walk out of her class. The first time I've ever skipped chemistry classes. My life sure is getting messier each and every day without Zach right beside me. I miss him.

I flinched a bit when I felt an arm wrapping over my waist. I don't need to look back to know that it was Ross that was doing so, he moved his head closer to my neck that I can even feel his breath against my cheeks. "I'm sorry, it was all my fault." I smiled and turned him over to look onto me. He then wrapped his arms on my waist and pulled me closer. "It wasn't your fault, it's normal, it's Chemistry and I know that you tried your best." I said and guided him out of the campus.

We headed into the school's quadrangle where there are no student's around; most are just still in their classes. "Jamie, what if I court you? Would you give me the answer I want?"

"I don't know, besides I don't even have any experience with that."

"You could try."

"Should I try?"

Ross just nodded as a reply. I know it myself, I can't give him the answer he'll want, my heart already belongs to someone, besides it won't be long until he comes back and when he does, I don't know what I'll do till then.

The momentum was broken when Eulene came and sat beside us. "Paul is having a party in his house later, and Jamie, I won't take no as an answer." She said and left us.

#

I am now in Paul's house with Ross, obviously, he drove me all the way here. The party was already starting when all the music stopped, as well as the time. Zach entered Paul's house, I didn't know that he's already okay. 

Eulene walked towards him and told everybody that it's fine, that we can just continue partying and that she's the one who invited Zach over because his dad called him to say that he was already discharged from the hospital and also because Zach was just living next door. Zach was wearing simple jeans, a plain white shirt, a jacket and a glasses like he always does. As Eulene walks away to enjoy the party, Zach walked towards me and pulled me outside of Paul's house.

"What are you doing Jamie?"

"Partying."

"You know what Jamie, you changed."

He said, I was holding back my tears, I can't cry now.

"I know Zach, I know, I changed."

"I know that what you are now or what are you doing now is something which the real Jamie wouldn't do—"

Zach couldn't finish what he was saying when Ross came walking towards me and wrapped his hands oven my waist—I can smell the scent of the alcohol wrapped over his body—he's a little drunk already and a bit tipsy, "Jamie doesn't want to talk to you, now leave, leave my girlfriend alone, Zach."

Zach walked away, leaving me with Ross. I removed Ross' hands that are on my waist, making him fall into the ground. "You're the one that I wanted to leave for now, Ross, besides—I am not your girlfriend." I finally said and walked away.

#

I am now sitting in a stop, waiting for our driver to come pick me up. As I wait for him, I decided to listen to music, thankful that I never ever leave my ear buds home. The song Sunflower from the movie "Sierra Burgess is a Loser" I've always seen myself as the female lead, but now here I am, friends with the schools queen b and stuck with the schools heartthrob claiming me to be his girlfriend. I'm here now pretending to be some sort of a rose. Pushing Zach away was like choosing to be friends with Eulene and her crew, it means that I'll have to pretend my whole life to love, and to be loved.