ᎢᏔᎬᎬᎢ ( pjm ♡ jjk )

xxvi

present day

"jimin," jeongguk breathed, hesitantly reaching out for his hand. "i... i had no idea. why didn't you tell us?"

jimin looked at his feet, ashamed.

"i was young and dumb, and i thought you'd all look down on me for making such a huge mistake. but i should've known. that you'd help me through it, that you'd be there for me if i ever needed help."

"you had to go through all that alone," jeongguk mumbled, heart aching after jimin's confession.

"junhyo-hyung and yunso-noona were with me throughout the whole thing. i owe them so much. for everything."

"still! you started talking to her because you were feeling down, right? because i was being a jerk? god, jimin, was that my fault?" jeongguk squeezed his eyes shut, running his fingers through his hair. "if i had been kinder to you in the beginning instead of pushing you away, would that have happened?"

jimin opened his mouth to speak, but jeongguk cut him off.

"i'm so dumb. of course you reacted like that when you found out i was jung. you had such a horrific experience when she violated your trust, and i pretty much did the exact same thing."

"but you didn't know," jimin added, eyes intense as he stared at jeongguk. "jeongguk, you didn't know about my past because i never told you. it's not your fault, you wouldn't have ever guessed something like that had happened to me. and they're all locked away now, they have been for the past four years, and they will be for the rest of their lives."

"but-"

jimin grabbed his collar and yanked him down to his height, smashing their lips together.

"you're so kind and caring, jeongguk-ah," he murmured, "but sometimes you need to shut your mouth."

before jeongguk could say anything or even think, they were kissing again and his tongue was in jimin's mouth and his heart thumped as he held him close because god did he love him.

"jeongguk-ah," jimin moaned, "we... we still need to talk more."

it took every fiber of jeongguk's being to tear his mouth away from jimin's, lips parting with a sweet chu.

"hyung," he began, unsure of where he was going. "i... you... we..."

jimin reached down and took his hand. their fingers fit together like puzzle pieces.

"i'm sorry i reacted like that... it was... everything came flashing back to me, and then i just saw her instead of you. it had taken me so long to work up the courage to even touch my phone. i'd tried to forget about that night but-"

"no hyung, you don't need to apologize. it's not your fault that happened to you."

the shorter's lip quivered as he fished a piece of paper out of his pocket.

"did you... did you really mean what you said in this note?"

jeongguk nodded.

"every word."

jimin couldn't help the smile that broke out on his face.

"you'll really wait until i'm ready?"

he nodded again.

"i will. and i'll wait forever if i need to, as long as i can be with you."

jimin-hyung,

there are no words that can convey the intensity of how i feel. regret for not being honest from the beginning. sadness that i caused you pain. anger at myself.

as soon as you left, i realized how much i messed up and broke down. i hated myself. if i had just told you how i felt instead of making a fan account for you, would things have gone differently? that question is always on my mind.

i know you're with v-hyung right now, and you've told him everything. i'm glad that he's there for you like noona is here for me.

haha, i really don't know what to say. i guess i'm going to come clean about everything.

i've had my fan account for a very long time, almost two years now. i'd accepted the fact that you wouldn't return my feelings. after all, why would someone as beautiful as you fall for someone like me?

imagine my surprise when chinsun-noona ( i guess i should point out that she had a fan account too, she was @kookmination ) retweeted your first tweet. i immediately knew it was you. the way you phrased your sentences, the emojis you used. it all just screamed 'jimin.' so i messaged you, and it just made me fall in love with you more and more.

i kept trying to drop hints that it was me. i was honestly scared to make the first move by confessing to you. after all, what if i was wrong? it could've been v-hyung you were describing. then i would've ruined our friendship and made you uncomfortable. so i waited until that night when you finally told me how you felt. i was so happy. i felt like i was flying.

and you know how the rest goes.

i don't expect you to forgive me anytime soon, if not ever. but just know this.

i will wait for you. and i will always love you.

love,
jeongguk

—

a / n

i despise this chapter with every fiber of my being, but oh well. i'm going to explain a bit more about why jimin reacted the way he did below since i didn't get a chance to fit everything into the chapter.

as you know, jimin has a very traumatic experience with chaeyoung. it took him a very long time to get over it since he was absolutely terrified.

as the years passed, jimin decided to open a jeongguk fan account. he was a bit wary of jung at first due to his past, but was soon able to trust him. at this point, jimin was thinking that not everyone on the internet was bad.

but that night, when he found out jung was jeongguk, he remembered chaeyoung and just freaked out. jimin was not thinking rationally at this point, he was too shaken. in his mind, he thought that he couldn't be with jeongguk if he was constantly reminded of chaeyoung, hence him saying that the universe had decided they weren't meant for each other and being a drama queen.

fast forward to the end of chapter eighteen.

after chinsun and taehyung left, jimin managed to read the note. he was feeling extremely overwhelmed by everything and wanted to escape all of it for a little bit. so he went home to busan and stayed with his parents. he managed to clear his mind and think rationally about the situation, and he decided to return for the party.

i hope that explained some stuff! i've wanted to go into detail about it, but i wasn't sure how to work it in.