Secret Song

Track_01

JAVI

The Runner by Kings of Leon

Just before I came to my senses, I heard a loud squawk most probably by a seabird. My body didn't jolt, but my eyes fluttered open like lightning. I leisurely took in my surroundings: waves lapping on the sandy shore, seabirds flapping their wings and squawking in mid-air, and coconut leaves brushing against the salty wind and each other.

It would have been heaven-on-earth if not for the sound of my weeping heart.

I sighed before I idly sat up and gazed at the glistening ocean. By the way the waters sparkle like scattered diamonds under the sun, one can tell it's already mid-day. It's blinding. I groaned and tilted my head back. Damn, it hurt like a mofo.

"Hangover, you're a heartless bitch," I hissed as I drew my right hand over my forehead and massaged both of my temples. I haven't been this hung-over and wasted in years since...

I sighed again, disheveling my hair in frustration and a whole lot of jumbled emotions. I licked my lower lip and bit it before deciding to get up and head back to where I parked my car last night. It wasn't a walk in the park getting up and walking with a throbbing head, but I managed to get to my SUV somehow. It's a bit of a surprise finding it unscathed given the fact that I know not where the heck I am right now. All I know is here is a place where the sleepless can sleep in peace, where the broken can feel whole again, and where the lost can find himself again. Although, for a short while.

I grunted for the nth time due to my hangover and my disappointment in myself. I didn't think I could drive this far out from the city even when I was dead drunk. "Guess I needed the distance that fuckin' much, huh?" I said to myself as I fumbled with my keys which I miraculously kept safe in my dress pants before I passed out on the shore. Come to think of it, it's also a wonder that I didn't drown myself in the waters.

I smirked. "Prolly not my time yet." Or maybe drowning in betrayal, hatred, and grief is enough to kill me.

Once I've opened the door to my car, I was immediately attacked by a loud ringing. It was my phone. My massive headache twinged even more as I climbed aboard and picked up the phone from the car floor below the shotgun seat. It's shocking to see it still in one piece. I thought I'd thrown and crushed it into pieces like how my... Damn.

I stared at the broken screen where a distorted "Mom" is flashing, telling me who's calling me right now. I was torn. I didn't know if I should answer or not. Sure, mom needs to know where her son is, but I don't think I'm ready to talk to anyone at this time. Not when both my head and heart are like splitting into several pieces.

When mom's call ended, another one came through. It was from dad. I ignored my parents' calls and everyone else's, and sat there like a log for a few more minutes. My mind's in haywire, and I can't keep up. I can't take it. I feel like running away again.

But I'm tired already. Emotionally and physically.

Slightly shaking my pounding head, I threw my phone at the backseat and inserted the car key in the ignition. I turned it and the car roared to life like a wild cat. I chuckled to myself and thought, "Wish it's as easy as turning machines on and off."

After turning the GPS on and giving the ocean one last look, I drove away from my temporary sanctuary. Oh, fuck temporary.

My heart started to ache again, so I grumbled like a kid again.

Why does it have to hurt this much? Why did I even have to feel this way? Did I deserve this?

I found my iPod shuffle on the dashboard. I turned it on and played a song to distract myself, but I was greeted by "The Runner." My hands tightened their grip on the steering wheel while I feel like something's wrapped around my neck, making it hard to breathe. I swallowed hard and tried to push the lump in my throat down. I can't cry again. No freaking way.