Laugh With the Sinners or Cry With the Saints?

After Death.

It all happened so fast.

I was on my way home from the theatre after seeing Batman Vs. Superman when a car came careening from out of nowhere and swiped me clean off of the pavement, slamming into me with its bumper. I met the pavement once more with a sickening smack after flying a ways away from where I had previously been before so rudely being hit.

Thankfully, the overwhelming pain of the impact only lasted a few seconds before I felt my consciousness slipping away. The only lasting pain I'd never recover from would be my wasted time in the movie theater after managing to endure that dreadful movie. Totally not worth it.

If I had known that I had one last movie to watch before dying, Batman Vs. Superman would be at the bottom of my list. It wasn't a total loss, however. Atleast it was sort of a cool way to die.

After losing myself in the sweet embrace of death, everything went black. There was nothing. It lasted for quite a while and after some time, I couldn't even tell how long it had been since I had slipped into this shrouded darkness. Was it hours? Days? Months?

"It has only been five minutes." I hear a disembodied voice say. There's amusement in their voice. I can't help but attempt to respond, to try and call out to them to ask where the hell I was but to no avail. I couldn't speak. Only think.

Then, suddenly, a small light shines through the darkness and I feel myself being tugged towards it. Slowly but surely whatever it was the light contained began to come into view. It was... beautiful. Unlike anything I could have imagined and at the same time, incredibly cliche and predictable.

I see a huge golden gate perched atop miles of fluffy white clouds. Somehow it's weightless. How the clouds manage to support it is far beyond me. Two people stand on either side of the gate, holding what look to be clipboards but rather than looking at those, their eyes are on me. It feels as though they're looking right through me, their emotionless faces unwavering. The two beings had large wings jutting out of their backs and by now I had put two and two together.

This was heaven.

"Umm...where exactly am I?" I ask the angels and though I already know, I felt it to be necessary to pipe up before the staring got anymore awkward.

"Why, you're in heaven, dear boy." The more masculine angel speaks. He's quite handsome — picture perfect, actually. The very idea of perfection and upon sneaking a glance of the angel women on the other side of the gate, I take note of the fact that she shares that very same trait with this man.

"Congratulations. Your creator has deemed you worthy of returning to his paradise after witnessing your seemingly sin-free life." He informs me as if this is some kind of invitation though his tone is a lot less enthusiastic than his words.

I can't help but let out a laugh at that. Me? Sin-free? Was God sure he was watching the right person? He must have missed the part of my life where I spent hours upon hours coming up with tons of creative ways to torture, murder, and enslave my Sims. Sure, It was all in good fun in a game but all the same, isn't the very idea of harboring these violent acts in one's head enough to get me banned from this place?

"Is something funny?" The angel asks.

"I— n-no... I just... are you sure?" I ask in response. This couldn't be real.

"Your creator is never mistaken." He speaks as the golden gates open for me, allowing me access. "Enjoy eternal life in paradise!" The other angel says gleefully to me as I slowly enter.

My eyes wander about, taking in the gorgeous scenery. Everything was...perfect. A little too perfect for my taste but, eh. To each his own, I suppose.

The clouds stretched on as far as the eye could see, it being brought to life with the presence of house-like structures planted atop them. It somewhat resembled a town in that aspect. A large fountain was smack dab in the middle of this "town", producing seemingly endless amounts of water. It was large and fancy just like everything else throughout this world. Everything was decorated, not a single structure existed in this realm without some kind of pristine carving or imagery standing out just to wrap this perfect world together.

Many humanoid figures whom I assume to be angels walk about the area, making conversation and going about their day to... well, I don't know. What exactly do angels do? It was something I'd rather not fry my brain thinking about.

"Welcome to heaven, my child." I hear a familiar voice behind me before whipping around to see who exactly it was speaking. It was not at all what I was expecting.

Rather than some bearded half-bald guy dressed in a white robe, the image of this God character presented itself as a ball of light. I stare for a long moment a bit baffled.

"You're... are you—?" I can't seem to find the right words.

"Yes, I am indeed what you and the other mortals refer to god. Though I do prefer "creator" over that term." It says. "And I must say, I'm quite proud of you for proving yourself worthy of my domain. You've actually made it at a very convenient time."

"What do you mean?" I ask after coming to terms with the fact that humans had gotten the image of God so ungodly wrong.

"Well, I'm sure you've heard of Lucifer, correct?"

"The devil?"

"Come now, you're giving him too much respect. He doesn't deserve his own label. He's a fallen angel for a reason and that brings me back to your question. Lucifer has recently decided to throw a party, show-casing his sinners as if trying to prove that hell is some place to be proud of going. Isn't that just pretentious?" God asks.

"I mean...I guess. I'm not exactly into all that jazz so—"

"Because of this," The ball of light interrupts me mid-sentence. "I have decided to throw a party of my own. A sin-free party to prove that Heaven is superior."

"...Isn't that kind of petty?" I ask, only realizing that it could have come off as rude seconds after the words fall out of my mouth.

"It may be petty but I feel as though it's necessary. Heaven is paradise, not hell. Why ever would someone want to go there? This afterlife is the best and I intend to prove it."

I have my doubts despite it probably being kind of demented to disagree with God of all people (or things in this instance) about enteral paradise. I've yet to witness anything truly captivating and worth staying for here...but perhaps I just haven't given it enough time. In Heaven you could have anything you wanted, right? That was a great perk!

...But again, how could I enjoy the things I enjoyed on earth if a majority of them were rather questionable — such as the way I played video games. Sure, I was no felon and had rather decent morals. I wasn't the type to commit a crime or hurt someone. I was a good person overall but boy. If playing The Sims or Grand Theft Auto by the rules and without violence or personality was any indication as to how staying in heaven would be, I'd honestly rather be in hell.

Weren't people supposed to be burning alive in hell? Being tortured? What the hell was up with this competition bullshit? If Lucifer was truly trying to prove that his afterlife was better then it must have not been that bad after all. It made me curious as to what hell was really like. Now I couldn't help but wonder if I could get a little peek at what exactly was going on down there at this moment during this aforementioned party.