May These Noises Startle You In Your Sleep Tonight (Kellic)

Chapter 9

I sighed and straightened my newly stolen, crisp white button-down shirt, then pushed open the door to the funeral home. I hadn't even bothered going to Jaime's visitation or funeral so I don't know why I was going to this one. I think most of the reason was watching out for Kellin, although I wasn't quite sure why I was doing that either. Okay, I knew why, but I didn't want to admit it.

It was quiet inside, much like I expected it to be. I signed the little attendance book at the front entrance then continued into the main room for the visitation. There were maybe about 40 people in here, some adults, some students who may have known him. I recognized two people from the pictures in his house as his parents. They were both red-faced from crying, and the woman was holding a tissue in her hand as she talked. There was so much crying. I looked around, taking in the whole heartbreaking scene. I did this. I caused all of this pain. As much as I had hoped it would be easier than the last time, it definitely wasn't.

I turned around and my eyes finally landed on Kellin, who was sitting in the corner talking to another teenager boy with short black hair. The boy patted Kellin on the shoulder before standing and walking off. I took that as my cue to go over to him. He looked so broken. He didn't look up as I approached him, he just kept staring down at the floor.

"Are you okay?" I asked, sitting down next to him. He shook his head slowly.

"Not in the slightest," he answered. It suddenly hit me that I had killed both of his best friends. I had taken two people that he loved very much away from him without any warning, and I now hated myself for it.

"Do you want to talk?" I asked.

"No," he said with a shake of his head.

"Do you want to be alone?"

"No," he whispered. He really looked like he was on the verge of breaking down, and I hated seeing him like that more than anything in the world. We sat there in silence for maybe ten more minutes, watching people mill around the room in a depressive state, before he looked over at me.

"Will you - do you think it's okay with your parents if you come back home with me?" he asked sheepishly. I nodded my head.

"Of course," I replied.

An hour or so passed before Kellin was finally ready to leave. He did eventually go over to the casket to say his final goodbyes, but I couldn't bring myself to do the same. I just couldn't look at his body after what I did to him. They all thought it was suicide, I'd covered my tracks pretty well, but I knew differently. He didn't deserve to die, but what was done was done. I had to return successful from my mission by tomorrow. All I had to worry about now was Kellin.

--------------

The drive back to Kellin's house was a silent one. He had driven himself there since his parents were out of town, but was too much of a mess to drive now, so I took over the wheel for him. I felt like it was the least I could do to help him, and that way I had to keep my eyes on the road so I didn't have to see him crying silently in the passenger seat.

When we reached his house, it was more silence as we walked up to his bedroom and sat next to each other on the edge of his bed. I wanted to know what was going on in his head, but another part of me knew that it would only hurt me more. All the pain that I've seen him go through was caused by me, and whether he knew that or not, it still burdened me.

"Why does this keep happening?" Kellin whispered with trembling lips. I frowned and looked down at my lap, not quite knowing how to respond to that. I knew why it was happening and there was no way in hell that I was going to tell him, so I said nothing.

"They're saying that he killed himself partially because of Jaime. I don't know if that's true or not, but there's really no other explanation. He never said anything about hurting himself or . . . If I had known I would have tried to help him," he vented as tears rolled down his cheeks. I reached out a hand and stroked his back, hoping that it would comfort him in some way.