Book of Poems

Incapable

People tell me I'll be okay.

But I try to look away.

I try to close my eyes.

I try to block out all the lies.

Nothing ever helps.

There in my head.

Tears stream down my face.

As I lay here in my bed.

Begging for it all to go away.

I wish every night.

For a different way.

For a different life.

I wish I may,

I wish I might.

Have my wish come true tonight.

I wish I don't wake up tomorrow.

So I don't feel the pain.

The monsters come in the silence.

They torment me.

But I can't run away.

But you can't run away and hide.

There in my head.

Killing me from inside.

There is one who protects me.

He controls my thoughts.

He makes the demons run and hide.

He sees me in my dreams every night.

I only stay alive for him.

As he is my only hope.

He lives on the other side of the earth.

But he protects me still.

He makes it go away.

I only smile for him.

The rest is fake.

Even though we have not met.

He keeps me here.

I stay for a chance of meeting him.

In our minds were all the same.

Age is no horrible thing.

It just marks our years of experience.

I'm like TNT.

I got lit the moment I was born.

But now I'm close to exploding.

Guess you should run away.

I'm like a candle.

I got lit when he started to save me.

But now I'm running low.

I'm melting away from life.

I'm being locked up in my mind.

I can't break out.

I can't escape.

How I wish for a key.

To turn back time.

Make me the fun-loving girl I was.

Not the girl who was sour.

The girl whose word was sacred.

Because she never spoke.

The girl who threw up twice a day.

And avoided eating.

The girl who wore thick bracelets.

Who knew she cut herself.

Not the girl who wrote down ways to die.

Not the girl who couldn't cry.

The girl who laughed all the time.

For she needed no reason.

The girl with multiple voices.

Not the girl who was drowning,

Even if the people around her where breathing.

The girl who loved music.

Not the girl who had a heart of obsidian,

Of Iron,

The girl incapable of love.

A/N

I hope you all like this really long poem. This is kind of my story. I used to have different laughs and voices that people loved. I was capable of love back then, but I got broke during a summer. It wasn't anyone's fault. Guess its true people change. I loved music, now I can't listen to "happy" music or I get sick. I guess I am drowning in depression and suicidal thoughts, and when I see other people breathing it makes me remember I'm alive. Sometimes I feel like time has stopped, but then I realize, time won't stop for you. And the guy I talk about in here, is someone I have a big crush on, but I really haven't met him. At all. Anyways I'm the girl I write most of my depressing poems off of, but I'm still here, for now. And my name is not Jade, its actually Liliana.

- Liliana the suicidal Writer