"This world is not a place for me" -Filip, 2018
We were taking a photo together, summer 2013
Mom: "Just try really hard to act like you love your sister Filip"!
Olivia: "What do you mean TRY...he already loves me so much he would DIE for me...isn't that right Filip"?
Filip: "Mom, dad called me a Sissy". "What is that sissy thing"?
Mom: "DAAAVID...YOU BETTER COME HERE AND EXPLAIN THIS RIGHT IN THIS MOMENT".
Filip, smiling mischievously: "I know"! "I remember what it means"!
Me and mom, terrified of what is about to come..because whenever Filip says something, it's really worth it.
Filip, really excited: "Dad meant Sissy, Elisabeth of Austria, Empress of Austria and Queen of Hungary, she was in the documentary me and dad watched the 14th September right after mom raised her voice at Olivia for not vacuuming under her bed.
Our holiday in Bratislava, spring, 2015
We had a wonderful day, it was Filips birthday, so we arranged it the way he always wanted. It was the day of his dreams. We went on a ship and he got to hold the rudder. We went to the zoo and we all listened to his hour-long prologues about every. Single. Animal. In. The. Whole. Fucking. Zoo. Then we bought him a pirate ship Lego construction and forgave him when he didn't tidy up his plate (we always have to forgive him even when there is no forgiving)
After this whole day.
My mom wanted him to read a bedtime story to my little fat cousin.
And do you know what he said?
THIS IS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
So yeah, you can see now what he really is
A monster.
A vicious, bloody monster.
But to be completely clear my brother is not exactly an autist. He has signs of autism, but he's an 80 percent Asperger. Which is NOT autism...well I always thought it was (because google says this: Asperger syndrome (often Asperger's syndrome) is a form of autism spectrum disorder.),
but one of Filip's doctors said we should not call him an Autist because he is not. To be completely honest..we don't call him anything else. We just call him our little autistic monster.
And yes, we are a truly loving family.
Apart from Asperger, Filip also has ADHD, OCD, Anxiety and Depression. And yes again, this is all part of autism but NOOOOO HE IS NOT AN AUTISTTTTT DR. FATASS.
Sorry, that was highly unnecessary. Let's move on.
¨
Some small slope, Winter, 2017
Mom: "Filip please just try to put your RIGHT foot in front of you".
Filip: "NO". "I WILL DIE".
Olivia, me: "Filip, baby, darling, sugarcup, ice-cream, princess, honey, golden bunny, I believe in you".
Filip, hysterically crying:" I WANT FOOD. I AM HUNGRY. MY TUMMY IS YELLING AT ME".
He is not hungry. He is never hungry. In fact, he was treated for anorexia last year because he refused to eat. Why? Because he stopped eating when he was called fat by my grandmother and then when he finally started to eat more, his stomach hurt and when he occasionally pooped, his arse got "torn" - that's how he explained his problem. So in our family meeting, he informed us he would no longer eat, because if he doesn't eat, his tummy won't hurt, he won't get fat, and he does not have to poop. Problem solved.
If only life was as simple as Filip imagined it.¨
Just like taking a shit.
YOU ARE READING
My Autistic Brother
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