Finn Shelby - The Midwife

21.I'm Sorry

Hey it's me again i know i never usually do these at the beginning of the story but i just want to mention that this chapter does mention miscarriage and if you are easily upset or if this distresses you please skip past it i just wanted to show that this is actually happening out there and we need to talk about it and the effect it has.I just want you to know if you have ever been through a miscarriage, please stay strong you shall not walk alone through this hard time and we will support you.This is also for you L i love you and i'm so proud. Until next time - E :) 

Ell's POV

His arms were tangled around my torso with his hands lightly resting on my stomach protectively. There was a slight pain in my stomach but i just shrugged it off thinking it from vomiting due to my morning sickness. 

"Mm Ell did you you really piss yourself?" Finn mumbled and this when i looked down with a confused look and that's when i saw it. Blood.

"Finn i'm bleeding" "Finn" i screamed.

"What" his head quickly looked down the blood covered sheets. "Polly, Polly get here quick" he bellowed into the house. 

"Finn" i whispered looking at the man i loved wit tears in my eyes. 

"Polly for fucks sake get here it's Ell" and that's all she needed to hear before quickly sprinting down the halls.

"Oh dear, come with me" she mumbled while leading me to the bathroom and slowly started running me a bath. "Oh sweetheart i'm sorry this happened, it just wasn't your time". The words hit me 'It wasn't your time' what if it was? Would it have been a little boy? or girl? would they have liked horses or race cars? Tears welled in my eyes more poor baby.

"Ell sweetheart" Finn mumbled as he walked into the bathroom making his way over to me and kneeling in front of me "I love you so much" he said while kissing my forehead, i could feel his tears run down his cheek as it was pressed against mine.

"I'm so sorry this was my fault Finn"

"No it wasn't babe, the baby just wasn't ready just think they're up in heaven with your dad and your brother" he mumbled causing me to sob.

"What would they have been? a boy? a girl? We'll never know Finn"

"Oh sweet girl, get in your bath and we'll talk about this when you're all cleaned up"

Slowly i peeled off my night dress left naked looking at myself in the mirror only to keep staring at my stomach. My baby. My baby was gone ripped from earth before they even got to take the first breath. What colour eyes would they have? Would they have had my two different colour eyes or their dad's cheeky gorgeous blue eyes? Thoughts clouded my mind as i climbed into the bath causing the some of the blood to disappear.

My baby is gone and it's all my fault. I'm sorry Finn.   

(A few months later) 

It had been a few months since i had lost mine and Finn's baby. Work was hard watching the mothers and fathers face's as their amazing creation entered the word, something me and Finn couldn't understand nor would we be able to feel that connection. 

The days went by and work got harder, seeing babies being born everyday and mothers talking about how much they love pregnancy made me feel lonely and isolated all i wanted was Finn. He kept saying that we could try again but it's not the same and i know he felt the exact same i can hear him cry late at night to Michael in the kitchen. This miscarriage had hit both of us hard and we needed each other more than anything. We have mostly stayed inside in bed or in the house in silence not wanting to go outside and see the dirty world.

News spread quickly throughout the Shelby family, Polly was obviously the first one to know then Michael, followed by John, Esme, Tommy and Grace, Arthur and Linda. 

Hey i'm sorry this is a short chapter but it broke my heart writing it, i would like you to know that it doesn't just affect the woman it can also massively impact the man as well i just want you to know please don't suffer in silence there will always be help, stay strong please - E