𝓂𝒶𝑔𝒾𝒸𝒶𝓁 | 𝓁.𝑔.

nineteen

Lip boards the train to meet April at the airport. 

On the ride, he keeps thinking about the night before. How could he have let it happen? How in the world could he put himself in a situation that would result in waking up in Mandy's bed? Why didn't he leave the club the minute he saw her? 

As he questions all the choices that led up to this morning, Lip has that old familiar feeling; the feeling of royally screwing up, and not knowing a way out. He had really tried to do whatever it took not to be in this position again. 

Why did Frank's prediction that he would fuck up come true?

Lip's thoughts then move to April. 

He has so much to lose with her. 

Is Frank right about her too? Will she leave him, not willing to put up with any bullshit? 

The idea opens up such a vacuum in Lip that his breaths get shallow. He has come so far, and he doesn't know if he would have without her. 

Besides that, he loves her.

Lip remembers the fits of anger that got him expelled from school before. 

Oddly, he doesn't feel angry now, he feels defeated. 

Lip realizes he will have to tell April what happened. He can't see a good ending to lying to her, and he doesn't want to. 

But how can he tell her? Is there any way to convince her that he didn't know what was happening, and maybe she won't leave him?

Lip decides that he won't tell April today. He'll have to give himself a day or so to figure out how to carefully and delicately tell her so maybe she'll stay with him. 

Besides, he misses April. He wants to see her, hold her, and enjoy being with her. 

Selfishly, he decides to put it all aside for now.

April comes down the corridor and smiles ear to ear when she spots Lip. 

She increases her pace and falls into his open arms. She stays there, contently, as he continues to hold her tightly. 

They say nothing for a few seconds. They just savor being close to each other again.

April is the first to break the silence. 

"Gosh, I missed the hell out of you!"

"Ditto," Lip responds and smiles while giving her a quick kiss. 

He realizes as she looks into his eyes that it feels like she is looking into his soul. 

It's probably because he has something to hide now. He quickly grabs her rolling bag and leads her toward the escalator. 

"Let's get you home."

On the train, Lip and April politely exchange details about their week. April lists the different workers at the casino that asked about him. Lip fills April in on what the family is up to, and is able to elaborate since spending time with each one.

"I'm so glad you had that time at home. I know how important your family is to you," April offers; her sincerity obvious.

Lip feels a pang of guilt. She really is a good person. He can hear how much she cares about him in her voice. He desperately wishes he could erase the last 24 hours. 

Lip changes the subject, and starts talking about tomorrow's classes, and making sure they have their assignments taken care of. 

April helps him remember, and they are sure they have everything complete.

"Good, that frees us up for the rest of this afternoon," April says with a playfulness in her voice. 

Lip doesn't respond.

When April and Lip get back on campus, Lip carries April's bag up her dorm steps. 

He opens the building door for her, and she slips in. 

When they reach her room, April unlocks the door, and they go inside. April sees that her roommate isn't back yet. 

"Lucky us!" April exclaims as Lip lets go of her bag and she slips her arms under his coat and pulls him close to kiss him.

Lip returns her kisses but then takes a step back. 

Regretfully he says, "I'm not staying. I'm going to leave you here to sleep. Remember what happened last time you came home exhausted? I'm not going to let that happen again." 

He is lucky he has her winter illness as an excuse to not stay.

April is surprised Lip isn't taking her up on her offer. 

"What? No, don't leave. I slept on the plane. I'm really not that tired," she tries again to entice him to stay.

"No April. You'll be much better off if you sleep. Besides, I told Robert I would meet him for some Sociology stuff." 

It's a lie. The first he's told her.

"You did?" she looks disappointed, and a little hurt. "Are you sure? I really missed you and would like to spend some time with you. If you insist I sleep, can you at least stay with me a little while first?"

Her need to be near him, and his equal need to be near her, is getting the best of Lip. He doesn't know if he can put up this act a minute longer. He needs to leave before she sees something in his eyes that he is trying to hide. 

"Yes, I'm sure. I can't stay. I love you, now go to sleep and take care of yourself. I'll see you in class in the morning." He kisses her and then heads out the door. 

As he closes the door behind him, he lowers his head and suddenly feels the weight of the situation overtake him.