Tonight's not over

Chapter 12

After Chris left I wandered miserably into the living room and sat down. I'd had a great evening but now I was tired and confused. Chris was my friend, he was kind, caring and fun to be with but he was still just a friend. Taylor on the other hand was exciting and dangerous and while that had been exhilarating for a little while now I wanted something more. Now I wanted him to treat me like Chris treated me. I needed my lover to be my friend as well. I decided there was no way I could sort this out tonight so trying to get some sleep was the best option.

I got up from the sofa and headed into the kitchen to get myself a drink of water before going to bed. I'd just got a glass from the cupboard when the doorbell rang. Nervously I went towards the door. Who'd be coming round at this time of night?
"Who is it?" I called out.
"Hey sexy it's me." Taylor's familiar voice replied from the other side of the door.
"What do you want?" I sighed
"To come in would be good."
I wasn't sure I was ready to face him right now but I opened the door anyway.
"I wasn't expecting you tonight." I told him.
"I know but I thought I'd surprise you. So can I come in?" He frowned

I really wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing as I stepped aside to let him in. Once he was inside I stayed out of his reach and walked back into the living room with him following behind. I sat on the sofa and he sat beside me.
"Is everything OK?" he asked.
"I'm just tired." I replied.
"Come here." he said as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me against him.
I leant my head on his shoulder and he kissed my hair. For a few minutes we sat silently together and I began to relax against him, this was what I wanted, Taylor being caring and loving.

My eyes felt heavy and I was just starting to drift off to sleep in his arms when I felt Taylor's hand beneath my chin. He lifted my head and kissed me. At first the kiss was gentle and loving but soon he started to pull me towards him, deepening the kiss. His hands were starting to explore my body as I pulled away from him.
"What's wrong?" he asked.
"Not tonight." I told him "I'm too tired I just need to go to bed."
"I thought maybe I could stay for a while."
"You can stay all night if you want. In fact that would be nice. But no sex tonight I'm just too tired." I said
'Well it's just that...." he said clearly disappointed
"It's just what?" I said sharply, cutting him off. I was getting frustrated now. "Why can't we just have a night together in each other's arms? Why can't we have a proper date? Isn't that what normal couples do? Taylor the sex is fantastic, you know I love it but what about everything else? Where are the kisses and cuddles? Why do I still have to be a secret? What sort of a relationship do we have here?"
I stopped as I noticed the look on his face change to an expression I couldn't describe.
"Relationship?" he queried sounding surprised. "We don't have a relationship. Oh sweetie I thought we were on the same page here. I've only just got divorced. I'm not looking for anything serious. This is just a bit of fun. I thought you knew that?"
I felt my eyes fill with tears and I struggled to keep them from falling.
"What? What do you mean?"
By now both Taylor and I were on our feet and he was staring at me, a look of pity in his eyes.
"Oh baby this really is just about sex. I thought you understood."
"But I thought you liked me..." I muttered.
"I do. You're cool and really sexy but that's it. I'm not looking for love."
By now I was struggling to hold it together. Tears slowly started to run down my cheeks.
"I think I should go." He said "It's been fun but I don't think this will work out baby. We want different things...."
"You're dumping me?!"
"It's for the best. Really." he said as he headed towards the door.
I followed behind him in a state of shock.
"So this whole time you only wanted sex? You didn't care about me at all?"
By now the tears had started to fall and there was no way I could stop them. He got to the door, opened it and left. "Taylor? Taylor?" I called after him.
But he didn't even turn to look at me, he just walked away down the road.

I stood in the doorway sobbing until he was out of sight. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to run after him and beg him not to leave while another part never wanted to see him again. I turned to walk back in the apartment but it felt so empty and I felt so alone. I looked around but all of a sudden it didn't feel like home and I didn't want to be there. I grabbed my shoes, my coat and my keys and headed off out into the night. I felt like I couldn't breathe in there anymore. I had no idea where I was going but I needed air.